


hey boy, you got two choices

by moonwaves



Category: SHINee
Genre: Confessions, High School, Jinki Is Doing His Best, Jonghyun Best Boy, Kibum Is Confused, M/M, Minho Is The Friend Kibum Needs Not The Friend He Deserves, This fic ran away from me, give me comments or PERISH!!!, idk where it came from it just happened, its 4 am, not beta'd by anyone but me myself and i baybee, taemin is not in here because hed be in middle school and theyre too CoolTM for that, uhhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-01-21 04:34:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 23,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21293648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonwaves/pseuds/moonwaves
Summary: It was only natural for Kibum to be curious about this Jonghyun guy.Whoever the hell that was.
Relationships: Kim Jonghyun/Kim Kibum | Key
Comments: 14
Kudos: 52





	1. Yes...

It was white day.

On any ordinary day, Kibum wouldn’t care in the slightest about this fact. It wasn’t a day that concerned him, mainly because he wasn’t interested enough in anybody at his high school to embarrassingly stutter his way to gifting them with hard candies. And, obviously, nobody was interested in him.

But this wasn’t any ordinary day.

Kibum could tell that immediately as soon as he stepped into the school, shoes scuffing quietly against the tiled floor. He knew as soon as students ceased their activities in favor of whispering and blatantly staring at him. Knew as soon as he saw the frowns and wide eyed curious looks. He was not accustomed to being the center of attention in such a scale like this. Kibum was far from being a wallflower, he quite loved to be brazen and confident and unapologetically himself, but he was also far from being worth sending two looks.

He wasn’t used to the stares, to the looks, to the whispers, but also knew paying it any mind would cost more energy than he cared to give. What did unnerve him were the loud whispers of “did you hear? He’s planning to ask out Kibum  _ today _ .” as he got closer to his locker. 

He cast a slow glance to the girls giggling and whispering behind their hands to each other right behind him, his eyes narrowed just slightly in suspicion. He turned his attention back to his lockers as soon as they noticed him and shut up, though unfortunately continuing right when he looks away. He starts carefully putting in his locker combination, choosing to ignore the ever present gossip still lingering in the halls. But, of course, the whispers only increased as he opened his locker, books spilling out along with… white roses? He cocked his head, quirking a single darkened eyebrow into his bangs. He narrowed his eyes in thought, do white roses even grow in South Korea? 

“Oh my god! He gave him white roses, isn’t that so romantic?” Kibum heard the shrill shrieks of Kwon Mina and a few of her other friends. Kibum didn’t understand why they were making a big deal of this, he was pretty sure Mina was the same girl that told him to fuck off after asking to borrow an eraser a week ago.

He crouched down, inspecting the crisp and pristine roses, and after placing back his important textbooks back into his petal ridden locker, he leaned back down and picked up one of the many flowers.

“Honestly…” He sighed, eyeing the rest of the hallway’s inhabitants and, of course, the number of people originally walking through the hallway seemed to double. He didn’t understand why the fuck everybody was so obsessed with a rumoured admirer. Well, not so rumoured if this stunt had anything to say about it.

He was caught between feeling embarrassed and just plain creeped out. Who the hell had gotten his locker combination? Who the hell had gone such lengths? He inspected the rose, turning it around and around in his nimble palm before finally spinning around to face the rest of the hallways goers. He glowered at them in suspicions accusation, trying to analyze and find anyone who looked shifty. Anyone who looked to be the culprit.

The bell rang then and he felt a jolt of annoyance flash through him. He did not have the time or want for this, hell, he hardly knows anyone at this school! Hardly cares enough about anyone at this school, really. Save for Minho, who was his best friend since diapers and really had no other choice.

The whispers had died down to murmurs and the crowd began to disperse as people began walking to their classes, some still sending him little looks. He rolled his eyes when he realized this mess was going to make him late.

He mumbled curses as he swept up the mess of roses and petals on the floor, scooping them back into his locker. That was a mess for another day.

He slammed his locker shut, shouldering his backpack before heading to his first period of the day.

-

Math was the worst class of the day, unarguably so.

He was already flustered and snappish, especially at the prospect of not knowing what was going to happen that day. Was he really going to be asked out? Who was it? Was this all an elaborate prank? What if it is? Oh god, it probably is a prank. Who was he kidding? Who would actually like him? 

He sat at his desk, previously weary from lack of sleep but now alert with nerves. Usually he was the first person to class but with the whole rose mess in his locker, he had to suffer the public shame of being the last person shuffling in two minutes late as the teaching was speaking.

It’s after the teacher had passed out a worksheet when Minho, who sits behind him, roughly claps him on the shoulders. Kibum jolts forward some before whipping around to glare at him.

“What are you doing that for?” He whispers, his eyes roam around the room, watching everyone forgo the worksheet in favor of talking.

Minho grins at him, looking every part annoying. “I heard you’re about to be asked out.”

“So have I.” Kibum drawls, feigning disinterest into his voice. He’s so fucking nervous.

Minho raises his eyebrows a moment and he looks at Kibum as if he’s expecting something. Kibum refuses to give him any satisfaction. “So? What are you going to do?”

Kibum shrugs feebly. “Well, I mean, it would be nice to know who’s even about to ask me out.”

He thinks that’s what is scaring him the most, the mystery of not knowing who the hell it is. He doesn’t have much of a connection with anyone at the school, save for Minho. So he’s a little off put that someone is wanting him to be their... boyfriend? And then, he thinks, they must only want him for his looks, which is kind of shallow. This just feels like a mess.

Minho tilts his head to the side, considering and Kibum wonders if he’s trying to decide if he’s joking or not. “You don’t know who it is?”

Kibum frowns. “You do?” He sounds partly curious and partly apprehensive.

Minho offers him a shrug. “Nothing concrete, I mean it’s all really rumors.” He looks around the room and his gaze zeroes on the quiet boy who sits two desks away from them. Kibum looks over at him too, he thinks his name is Jinki. Kibum thinks he’s a senior who had to retake the class for credits, but he doesn’t really talk to any of them, so he wouldn’t know. He’s looking at them shiftily out of the corner of his eye, going still when he no doubt notices them ogling him.

Kibum is sufficiently confused.

When they make eye contact again, Minho has leaned in closer and Kibum wonders if it’s because he doesn’t want the Jinki kid to overhear. Kibum looks at Minho in question.

Minho offers him a shrug. “I mean it’s really all rumors but...”

“But why is it all rumors? Is the person that big of a deal?” Kibum asks, a little exasperated.

Minho puckers his lips in thought after sending him a glare for interrupting. “Well, I mean... I guess? His name is Kim Jonghyun.”

“That has got to be the most common name I’ve ever heard.” Kibum says, completely deadpan.

Minho snorts. “Okay, Kim Kibum.”

Kibum slaps his shoulder, not appreciating the comment on how common his own name is. “What’s so great about him anyways? Is he some kind of super hot super jock?”

Minho laughs a little more, shaking his head. “You really think some super jock is gonna risk his heterosexuality for you?”

Kibum looks up for a moment before pursing his lips and nodding in agreement. “Okay, valid. So then what’s the big deal over him?”

“He’s a really talented singer. Like, really talented. He’s won a lot of singing competitions and has written a fair few songs as well. There’s talk that’s he’s training to be an idol under SM Entertainment but, you know, rumors.” Minho explains.

Kibum doesn’t like the interest stirring in his gut at the mention of the boy being a musician. He didn’t even know he was into that. “You sure know a lot about him.” Kibum accuses.

“I don’t live under a rock, every girl here is pretty much obsessed with him. Anytime he does anything, it’s all they talk about.” Minho sounds a little bitter and Kibum remembers how much pride Minho has.

“So is he hot, then?” Kibum prods.

Minho smiles at him. “I mean I’m not the target audience of interest, so if you’re into guys then sure, I guess.” He shrugs a little at the end and Kibum does not like the knowing glint in his eyes.

Kibum hums, sending a cursory glance to this still distracted and uncaring teacher at her desk, then one to the Jinki kid. It’s with a jolt that he realizes the kid had been not so subtly listening and watching them out of the corner of his eye, Kibum glares at him and it makes Jinki quickly look away.

“Who is that?” Kibum whispers lowly.

Minho looks at the kid, and his ears are beet red. “That’s Lee Jinki. He’s a friend of Jonghyun.”

Kibum clicks his tongue at his teeth and sighs. “I don’t have the energy for this.”

Minho smiles. “So what are you gonna do when he confesses?”

“Confess,” Kibum sighs out. “You make it sound like we’re in elementary school. I don’t know, reject him, probably.”

Minho quirks a brow at him. “Reject him? Really?”

“I’m not desperate, Minho.” He replies, affronted. “I mean, I don’t even know who that is. I don’t know what he looks like, what he sounds like, what he likes, literally nothing. Why wouldn’t I reject him?”

Minho shrugs. “Yeah, that’s true. But will you give him a chance at all?”

Kibum twists his face in thought. “This is such a weird talk. I don’t know, I guess after I’ve gotten to know him. He’s probably done this with loads of girls before, anyways. The musician hotties are always pretentious. I don’t think it’s something I need to think about.”

Minho sends him an unsure look before laughing a bit. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Just a simple no and that’s it.” Kibum continues, talking more to himself than anything.

“It better be algebra you’re discussing over there.” Their teacher finally calls out and Kibum rolls his eyes before turning back around.

He pays no more thought to the matter for the rest of the period, doodling over his paper and completely forgetting about Kim Jonghyun.

-

It’s after second period and he’s back at his locker, carefully putting in the code and just as carefully opening it. He’s a little scared something is gonna tumble out again.

To his interest and confusion, there’s only a simple box of white chocolate, glitter and little hearts sprinkled all around them and the rest of his locker. It’s very cute but he doesn’t know how to react to it. He doesn’t even really like chocolate very much.

He notices all the people staring at him again and the nerves of  _ oh god, someone is interested in me _ come back tenfold. They’re all trying to peek in his locker and when one girl gets a look she gasps before telling all of her friends. It’s so embarrassing, it’s just chocolate. He ducks his head down in embarrassment for a moment before pretending to not see all the attention or the chocolates, pulling out and replacing binders and books.

It’s when he puts in his math binder that he hears a crinkle, a crinkle he knows should not be there. His locker is never messy, he does not leave stray bits of paper. He moves his binder out of the way before shoving his hand in to find the piece of paper, moving around the other books and binders and giant box of chocolate. When he finds the note, he pulls it out and dusts off some of the glitter left attached to it. It’s a little wrinkled as a result of it being haphazardly shoved in and Kibum jostling binders around it.

He unfolds the note to see almost neatly messy handwriting. It looks like whoever wrote it has naturally messy handwriting to begin with, but put extra and careful care into making sure it came out nice and legible.

_ Kibum, _

_ I'm not sure if you like chocolates or not but I made these myself! I hope you like them :D  _

_ P.S. you look really pretty today :D _

The words are sweet and genuine and a small smile overcomes him for a moment before he snaps out of it. He can feel the heat on his neck and cheeks as he whips his head up, crumpling up the note and throwing it in his locker just in time for the warning bell to ring.

He slams his locker shut and shoulders on his backpack, walking with quick gait to his next period class. He can’t help but think about this admirer, this supposed Jonghyun guy. He wonders what he looks like, how he stands, how he talks, what he likes. The interest is dangerous and selfish, he really shouldn’t care and really shouldn’t pay it any mind, but he can’t help but be flattered in the sweetness of the situation. Though he has to remind himself that he does not know this guy and this guy very much does not know him.

_ He’s a musician, that’s kinda hot _ his brain reminds him, poking at him and persuading him to perk in interest. He does, maybe a little. He wonders if the guy is just as hot as they say, kinda hopes he is, kinda hopes he isn’t. Him being ugly would make rejecting easier, he thinks.

He sighs in exasperation, he has better things to think about than some random stranger he doesn’t know. He shakes his head bitterly in some bid to clear his thoughts just as he enters his class and sits down.

-

He’s sitting at lunch talking animatedly with Minho when someone taps him on the shoulder.

He turns around with bated breath, anxious and dreading to see if it was his secret admirer. It’s only Lee Jinki, which may be just as bad.

“Hello.” Jinki smiles, gentle and as if cajoling a scared animal into comfort.

Kibum looks behind him at Minho for a minute, sharing a look with him. “Hi? I mean, um, hello Jinki-ssi.” He curses himself for forgetting his manners.

“You can talk comfortably with me.” Jinki smiles again, and Kibum wishes he had some of the relaxation the senior has in his form.

“I’m here to sing for you.” Jinki finally states after some time. Kibum quirks a brow and tilts his head.

“You’re not my secret admirer, are you?” He’s genuinely curious because why is Jinki singing for him?

Jinki laughs a little bit, soft and bright. “Of course not.” He starts to clear his throat.

“Shouldn’t my secret admirer be singing for me?” Kibum rushes to interrupt. This is happening very quickly and he’s not really sure he wants to hear someone sing for him, is embarrassed by the prospect.

“Your secret admirer got shy last minute, so I’m doing him a solid. But you weren’t supposed to know that.” He shares an almost secret, conspiring smile with him and Kibum decides he likes Jinki. “Just think of me as a sort of, um, singing telegram.” Kibum has to hold back a snort.

Kibum wonders if his secret admirer really is Jonghyun, then. There’s no way someone who has so many awards, who apparently loves the stage so much, could be scared of singing in front of him.

Jinki clears his throat a little bit then, humming out different notes before starting to sing in earnest. It’s absolutely gorgeous, clear and soft but also strong and remarkable. Kibum thinks he could definitely fall for this guy with a voice like that. Most of the lunch room is staring at him as well, just as in awe.

He’s singing a song that Kibum does not recognize, which is odd because Kibum knows most songs. He wonders if his secret admirer chose this song, if he has more of an underground taste in music. It’s a beautifully made song, the lyrics sweet and from the heart, the notes and melody soft and easy to listen to, it’s cute. The lyrics make him want to blush. He’ll have to ask for the name of the song when Jinki is done.

When Jinki finishes, it’s with his eyes closed. He opens them gently and smiles wide and excitedly. “From Jonghyun.” Is all he says.

Kibum's heart catches in his throat, his chest pounding. “Thank you.” He responds, and he knows his own smile must be awkward.

Jinki turns to go but Kibum grips his wrist before he can leave. Jinki faces him with a question in his wide eyes. “What’s the name of the song?”

Jinki hums in thought, looking to the ceiling as if it could give him the answer. “I don’t think Jonghyun’s named it yet. He wrote it recently, but I’ll have to ask him.”

Kibum feels his heart catch even more because  _ holy shit _ his secret admirer wrote that song. The lyrics, the melody, the emotion. His secret admirer wrote that song  _ for him _ . He’s starting to feel more than a little flattered, more than a little unworthy.

Jinki smiles at him one last time before walking off and Kibum watches him go, a little star struck and lot interested. When Jinki gets to the doorway of the lunch room he sees a hand suddenly grab by Jinki by the wrist and roughly pull him out. Kibum frowns and though the lunchroom windows are tinted black, he can see the silhouettes of two boys. He makes one out to be Jinki and the other, he is completely unsure. He can see the other boy shoving Jinki and hiding his face in his hands and pacing and Kibum thinks, he seems embarrassed. It’s with a small smile he realizes that must be Jonghyun.

He turns around slowly in his seat, knowing he looks every part flustered and in awe. He jolts when he sees Minho staring at him. 

Minho makes a face before reaching across the table to shove at Kibum with one hand. “What the hell was that?!”

Kibum glares at him but he knows the intimidation is cancelled out by the red on his cheeks. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Come on. There’s no way you can reject him now, he wrote a song for you!” Minho insists.

Kibum wrinkles his nose at him. “I didn’t know you were such a romantic.”

Minho rolls his eyes at him. “Well, I know you are, no matter how much you like to pretend you don’t care.”

Kibum merely sticks out his tongue at him. He sighs down at his forgotten lunch. “I don’t know. It’s really sweet but... I don’t know, I don’t know him. I'm not gonna fall for some idealized version of him I make in my head.”

Minho nods along, agreeing. “Well, you better figure that out. Rumor is he’s asking you out at the end of the day.”

Kibum exhales sharply. “How the hell do people find this out?”

He’s a little peeved that the whole thing is so known and public, thinks that something like this should be private and cherished. He thinks that if this is what the courtship is like, he’s not sure he wants to partake in the relationship. Hell, their first date would be plastered all over the school.

Minho is just smiling sympathetically when Kibum looks up. “I really don’t know what I’m gonna do. I'm afraid he’s gonna do a public confession.”

“You’ll figure it out, Kibum. It’s not a huge deal.”

Kibum nods half-heartedly, he wishes he had that confidence.

-

He’s at his locker again, he is more than grateful that nothing falls out. He doesn’t know what he would do if there was another surprise. Probably sigh.

He’s pulling his binders out, putting everything back in his bag, and getting ready to meet Minho to walk home and he feels like he’s about to throw up his entire stomach. Nothing has happened since lunch and he’s terrified. Is Jonghyun gonna ask him out? When? It’s supposed to be today, is it not?

His head is starting to hurt at the amount of thoughts running through and he must look pale because he is just so nervous. Nervous to see what the boy looks like, nervous as to what he’s gonna say, nervous about how he’ll reject him. Because he is going to reject him, he has to. He can’t date someone he doesn’t know.

He’s walking slowly and steadily through the crowd of leaving students, eyes looking back and forth around him in suspicion. There’s some lingering around him and Kibum knows they must be waiting to see if Jonghyun asks him out. It’s so stupid.

Minho comes out of one of the many hallways too quickly, running and grinning in greeting at Kibum. It brings him a lot of peace, settles his stomach a lot. Minho throws a haphazard arm over his shoulder and keeps in there, immediately jumping into a story. Kibum doesn’t often care about Minho's stories as they always have something to do with sports, but he appreciates his voice and the excitement in his tone every time.

They’re out of the school building and walking down the sidewalk, Minho's arm still slung around his shoulder and laughing amicably, when they hear someone running at them. They’re breathing heavily and muttering under their breath and Kibum turns his head around and his stomach drops.

As they exited the school, Kibums nerves had dissipated completely. Nothing more happened and he was sure the fateful moment that was so gossiped about was not going to come. He was sure it was over and that all he had to do was vigorously ignore anyone and everyone except Minho to guarantee he never comes across Jonghyun again. But, seeing Jinki barreling at them, he’s lost that confidence.

Minho drops his arm from Kibum's shoulder and they share a look, waiting for Jinki to catch up. When he finally does, he immediately hunches over. He’s panting profusely, bits of sweat slicked hair plastered to his skin as he attempts to catch his breath.

Jinki looks up, still hunched over. “Ki... Kibum, can you... come with me, please?” He struggles to speak, almost gasping out the words.

Kibum knows what this means, knows what’s going to happen. He very decidedly does not want to come with Jinki.

He shares a look with Minho and it looks like he also knows what’s coming, his face both supportive and unsure. He turns back to Jinki,  _ no thank you _ on his lips, when Jinki smiles in what must be a comforting way.

“Sorry, just... can you, please?” He asks softly. He must know what he’s doing, how to phrase it and smile just right to melt someone’s heart. How can Kibum say no?

Kibum nods slightly, hunching his shoulders and stepping forward some. Jinki grins brightly and straightens up, holding his arms out to let Kibum pass. Kibum sidesteps him with a look and then resolutely stares forward, choosing to ignore Jinki and walk back to the school.

They walk in silence and it’s uncomfortable. He can feel the awkward radiating off Jinki and he kind of feels bad that Jonghyun had put him up to this, but then again, no one forced him. He could have, should have, said no. That way he could have spared Kibum the embarrassment of rejecting someone.

He wonders where they’re going as Jinki leads him through the stretch of hallways and he cringes when he realizes they’re going to the courtyard. Of course Jonghyun is gonna confess among the roses. He’s so embarrassed.

They stop at the door to the outside courtyard and Jinki looks at him. “Jonghyun is out there. He doesn’t know you know who he is, by the way.” He pauses, looking away for a moment before back. “Jonghyun really likes you, if you reject him... can you be nice about it? He’s sensitive.”

That makes Kibum feel even worse, feel even more anxious. He considers himself a good person but he can tend to lack a brain to mouth filter at times and he’s scared this will be one of those times. A scoop of nerves sway through his stomach and he nods, pushing the door open. He decides it’s better to get it over with and he shoves the anxiety down.

When he looks out there’s a boy pacing back and forth, hand in his hair and pulling at the strands in what must be nerves. He can only see the boys back and he looks a little short. Broad shoulders that pinch to a small waist with slim legs. It’s very cute, very pretty and Kibum would coo if not for how frozen he is in nerves.

The boy spins around quickly when he hears the door slam shut. They make eye contact and  _ oh _ . Kibum is stuck. Jonghyun is so heart stoppingly attractive that Kibum has no idea how he ever missed him before. His hair is mussed from the tugging so that it hangs in his big, wide looking eyes. There’s no way to describe him but masculinely gorgeous.  _ What the fuck is this _ , Kibums mind screams.

They both stare at each other, both seemingly frozen in anxiety before Jonghyun clears his throat and steps forward some, closer to Kibum.

“Uh,” He starts and his voice is soft in a strong way. Kibum would love to hear more of it, love to hear him sing. “Surprise!” He kind of waves his hands around and when Kibum gives no reaction, a beautiful red blooms on his cheeks and his hand rubs at the back of his neck.

“Um, I-I’m Kim Jonghyun, the guy whose been leaving you stuff. Your secret admirer.” He laughs nervously. Kibum's heart thumps at the sweet and cute words spilling from a sweet voice.

Kibum doesn’t know what to say, what to do, he feels so shocked and unprepared. How the fuck is he gonna reject those big, puppy-like eyes? How can he even think about rejecting someone so sweet and handsome? When Kibum doesn’t know what to say, his brain decides the words for him.

“I know.” He says and he expects himself to mumble but his voice is strong, projecting the words out.

Jonghyun cocks his head and Kibum continues. “The whole school loves you, how could I not know when it was all anyone could talk about?”

Jonghyun looks shocked and Kibum wonders if he is so unaware of his own popularity, wonders if he’s the type to be absorbed in his work and interests, wonders if he cares about his fellow students much either. “R-really? I’m sorry... it was meant to be a surprise.” He sounds genuinely sorry, genuinely guilty and, most of all, upset.

Jonghyun frowns at the ground a bit, lips twisting. He looks like he doesn’t know what to say or do next and really, neither does Kibum. They both shuffle a bit and it’s so awkward and embarrassing and Kibum would love to be anywhere but here. He could be home right now if only this beautiful boy did not like him. Oh, the first world problems.

“Are you gonna say anything?” Kibum finally starts, slowly and quietly, not meaning it to sound so harsh. Jonghyun looks up with his eyes so wide and he’s so red and just so cute. He feels like he’s about to kick a puppy.

Jonghyun breathes in slowly and it’s as if he’s trying to psyche himself up. He pulls a card out of his back pocket, it’s a simple dark blue and he hands it to Kibum. Kibum takes it and does nothing, has no idea how to do anything. Jonghyun pats the sides of his legs quickly, inhaling and exhaling audibly.

“Um,” his voice cracks, he clears his throat as more red blotches his face. “Um. I guess I’m just gonna. Um. Say it? God, I promise I’m not usually this jittery I usually know how to use words but you’re so beautiful and I just- Um.” He looks like he’s just spilled a secret and somehow keeps getting redder. Kibum doesn’t know how to respond, so he keeps his face impassive.

“Um, yeah. So, I guess you already know what’s about to happen, um.” He breathes in one last time and, oh god, this is it. “Kibum. I... I’ve liked you for a really long time. You’re really incredible, I admire your strength and confidence and beauty so much. You’re an amazing person. And I just... do you want to go out on a date? With me?”

Kibum’s stomach is flipping itself inside out and all he can do is sigh. And though Jonghyun is looking at him with so much expectant hope in his eyes and though maybe he’d be a fool to reject someone so sweet and handsome, he’s not comfortable with the situation, it must be done. He inhales, exhales, and steels himself for it. He has to make it quick and painless.

“Jonghyun. I really appreciate it, I mean I’m flattered, but I don’t know who you are. I know nothing about you beyond your name and how you look. Im just not really comfortable going on a date with someone I’ve barely known. I'm sorry.” Kibum says the words sharp and concise, enunciating every word to make sure Jonghyun hears and understands. As soon as the words leave his mouth, he spins on his heel and quickly walks to the door that he entered through. He can’t bare to see heartbreak or disappointment in those big, sweet eyes.

He passes Jinki, who is sitting on the floor cross legged, with nothing more than a cursory glance. He is not his friend, his only friend is Minho and he is uninterested in more than that.

As soon as he is out of Jinkis earshot and eyeshot, he sprints. He needs to go home, this has been so exhausting and he just wants to go home. He sprints through the halls and out the doors, down the sidewalk, faster and faster until he reaches Minho, who is sitting against a tree.

When Minho sees him, he stands up quickly with a small, supportive grin. “How was it?”

Kibum glares at him, having slown to a stop. Minho just stares at him, expectancy and curiosity hanging in his eyes. Kibum scoffs and walks past, ready to continue home.

“So, I’ll assume it went great. When’s the date?” Minho asks, slinging that same familiar arm over his shoulder as he catches up.

“Now you’re just being an asshole.” Kibum responds bitterly, hoping his tone is cutting.

Minho shrugs good naturedly and it jostles Kibum a bit. “Well, don’t glare at me. What happened?”

“I really would rather not talk about it. You’ll probably hear it all over school, anyway.” He sounds bitingly sarcastic, even to his own ears. Maybe he’s being too much of a bitch but he is  _ tired. _

Minho sends him a sideways glance, Kibum appreciates how understanding his eyes are. “Wanna watch me play fifa?”

It gives Kibum a genuine laugh because oh, how did they become such close friends with such opposite interests and pastimes.

“Yes, I would absolutely love to watch you play fifa.” Kibum replies. It makes Minho grin and launch into a new topic.

The whole way back, the dark blue envelope Jonghyun had given him earlier weighs hot and heavy in his back pocket where he had shoved it in his rush out of the school. He tries to forget about it, tries to forget about what had just happened, tries to just focus on his conversation with Minho but he can’t. With the envelopes presence comes the reminder of Jonghyun’s crush on him, Jonghyun’s confession, and Kibum’s quick rejection. 

Kibum sighs internally, this has become way too much way too quickly.


	2. Or... yes!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry for how long this took me to finish hsjfsfhj it feels just a little bit rushed towards the end but it was getting so long and i just wanted to be done BUT i hope you enjoy!!!

It’s about 10 pm at night and Kibum should be getting ready for bed, but he can’t. He feels so restless and uncomfortable. He knows it’s because the presence of that damn dark blue envelope.

He sits on his bed, pajamas on and arms folded, glaring at the blue envelope where it sits on his dresser. He knows he should open it, maybe kind of owes it to Jonghyun to open it. It would be a bit of a dick move to not open it, right? But on the other hand, what would be the point of opening it? He already rejected Jonghyun, there’s nothing else he can do. He doesn’t plan to have any more association with the boy, why should he open the envelope?

It’s a lot of back and forth in his brain and, underneath it all, he’s just plain curious. He can’t even begin to draw conclusions about what  _ could _ be in there, is completely clueless and unsure. He wants to know, but what good will it do him?

He hears his parents lights flick off and he lets out an exasperated groan, burying his face in his hands for a moment before quickly looking at the letter again. He should be asleep, he should be tucked in comfortably under his warm covers and  _ asleep _ . He curses this letter for keeping him up longer than he cares to be.

It’s with a huff he stands and briskly crosses the length of his room, snatching the envelope off the dresser with an audible swipe before stomping back to his bed. He knows he’s being dramatic, but he’s a teenager, he deserves to have this.

When he sits back down, he simply holds the envelope in his hands, staring at it. Anxiety churns and sways in his stomach and  _ should he really open it? _ He sits, staring at it for a moment longer before scoffing and laughing a bit. It’s just an envelope, it’s just a guy with a crush on him, it’s just a letter, it should not be a big deal.

He carefully rips open the top, pulling out two pieces of paper. He tilts his head, a little curious as to why there’s two pieces of paper. He looks at the first one and frowns, unsure how to decipher it. The words are messy and there’s marks and lines and music notes all over the page and he’s just not sure what he’s looking at. He makes a face and places it to the side of him, deciding to deal with that after reading what he is sure is  _ the letter. _

The writing is the same as the note from before in his locker, as if Jonghyun just has naturally messy handwriting but worked really hard to make sure the words on the letter was legible. It makes his heart thump a little before he reminds himself  _ bad Kibum _ . He unfolds the letter fully and carefully before beginning to read in earnest.

_ Kibum, _

_ By the time you read this I guess I’ll have already confessed. Which either means you’re reading this with love struck eyes and by my side or reading it with disgust and are properly confused. I don’t really know what to say but a letter felt right so I guess I’m just gonna write. _

_ You probably don’t remember me, but we went to the same middle school. We were in chorus together and I’ve had a crush on you ever since. It’s kind of embarrassing but you’ve always been so loud (in a good way!!) and confident and I find that really beautiful. At first I thought I just admired your strength and tenacity, but when I discovered boys are kinda great, I realized I actually just have the most galaxy sized crush on you. _

_ I'm not sure I even have the words to describe you and how much I like you, which is ironic because I promise I’m usually pretty good with words. You just make me go blank. I hope you give me a chance, you deserve nothing but the best and I promise I’ll treat you well. _

_ P.S. You’ll find the lyric and arrangement sheet for the song I sang for you at lunch, I hope it means something to you :D _

Kibum is stuck. He is frozen and he is lost. There’s a million thoughts running through his head and, at this point, he has no idea how he feels in the slightest. It’s a terrible blend of no thoughts and too many thoughts.

He picks up the tossed piece of paper by his side and with barely shaking hands, looks at it deeper. He suddenly recognizes the words on the paper as the unfamiliar lyrics Jinki had sang in the lunchroom. His heart clenches when he remembers Jonghyun had planned to sing this for him all along, clenches even further when he remembers  _ oh my god, he wrote this entire song for me _ . Kibum is in shock.

It just really hits him that this guy must like him a lot and it’s so flattering and makes his stomach flutter so much. But he can’t, he really just refuses to give such a chance to someone he plainly does not know. No matter how much this guy thinks he knows Kibum, they do not know each other. And Kibum does not date meaninglessly, doesn’t have the want for dating much either. All the signs and all his wants are pointing to  _ no, no, no _ , but remembering Jonghyun’s sweet eyes and even sweeter words are somehow making him think twice.

He lets out a loud groan, swiping the papers and envelope to the floor. 

Immediately he hears his mom shout from down the hall, “Kibum! Go to sleep!”

He cringes in slight embarrassment at himself and the situation. “Yes, mom!”

He stares at the letters on the ground for a moment, completely at a loss. He sighs through his nose in one long breath, his heart and stomach churning, picking them up off the floor and neatly placing them on is nightstand. He flicks off his lamp and crawls beneath his warm covers.

His mind is still racing but he’s determined to not let this whole thing affect him so much. He is a simple high school sophomore, nothing more, nothing less. He minds his business and gets good grades, nothing more, nothing less.

Jonghyun is not his problem, nothing more, nothing less.

-

He walks to school alone that morning, for Minho had to go in two hours earlier for track practice. Which sounds like absolute hell, who wants to wake up early to go run. Kibum just doesn’t understand Minho sometimes.

It doesn’t help that he didn’t get much sleep either, so he’s barely awake and slugging along. He would give most anything for Minho's comfortable arm around his shoulder and too excited voice to keep him awake right about now.

He fidgets with his backpack straps as he enters the entrance of his school. Violent and sudden anxiety takes him by surprise and he just very much does not want to be here. He is terrified of the day, has no idea how it is going to go in the slightest. Kibum is a mostly neat and orderly person and the prospect of just  _ not knowing _ is freaking him out.

When he enters the school, walking through the hallways, he’s not sure what he’s expecting, but it certainly isn’t the quick and immediate stares. It’s reminiscent of the day prior, but worse. He’s not prepared for how violent and pressing the whispers are, so loud and undoubtedly curious.

It’s with some degree of relief he realizes that the school has no idea what happened, has no idea if he accepted or rejected Jonghyun, and he is so grateful for that. It’s when he feels like he can walk lighter, on the way to his locker, that he also realizes he has first period with Jinki. Stupid senior in a stupid sophomore class.

When he gets to his locker, there are two girls there. They’re both pretty but Kibum has no idea who they are and that creeps him out a bit. He approaches carefully, not wanting them to notice him for he knows they’re waiting for him. Kind of a hard feat to accomplish considering they are directly leaning against his locker.

“Excuse me.” He says when he reaches them, expecting himself to mumble yet again but instead, it is strong and unyielding.

They move steadily to the side, watching him. He sees them share a look out of the corner of his eye and begins putting in his locker combination.

“Did you reject Jonghyun?” One asks, she doesn’t sound mean or jealous. Just undyingly interested and ready to gossip.

Kibum rolls his eyes and, yeah, he hopes they see it. “I don’t see how that is any of your concern.”

“We’re friends with him.” The other responds and Kibum thinks the tone of her voice conveys no, they aren’t friends. Jonghyun probably doesn’t even know her.

“Well, then I’m sure you can ask him yourself.” He looks her in the eyes and smiles mockingly before back at his locker.

He wants to ignore their presence completely and it seems they don’t know what to say. However, they still haven’t left so Kibum picks up the pace with gathering his stuff.

“You’re friends with Choi Minho, right?” The first girl asks and Kibum merely looks at her, sending her a simple nod. He sees them share another look before he continues grabbing his stuff.

“Okay, well-“ the other starts, but he doesn’t  _ care.  _ He’s already gathered all the stuff he needs and placed in what he doesn’t, so he slams his locker shut to interrupt her.

“This has been a lovely chat and I enjoyed it thoroughly, but I must go to class soon. I hope we meet again soon.” His voice sounds bitingly rude and sarcastic even to his own ears. 

They stare at him, brows raised and offense written in their eyes. He brushes past them and begins his walk to first period math. He doesn’t care about other people’s opinions and words on the matter, but he’s nonetheless extremely annoyed by how interested everyone seems to be in the situation still.

He lets out a huff when he enters the room as everyone turns to stare at him. It’s annoying because he previously had enjoyed how much his math class seems to just not care about much of anything, and yet, here they were. Caring.

Disappointment hits him as he sees Minho isn’t here yet and is most likely going to be running late from practice. He slides into his seat with a sigh and bears the not so subtle looks of his peers. He risks a glance towards Jinki and he’s maybe expecting Jinki to look tense, maybe upset, maybe sending him dirty looks. But he’s just sitting there, looking relaxed as normal and not even sparing Kibum a glance.

Kibum is feeling all sorts of confused. But what’s new.

The teacher had just gotten up to begin class, standing in front of the room and mouth ready to open, when there’s a furious knocking at the door. The teacher frowns and goes to open it, and Kibum is almost amused when it reveals Minho. He is sweating and breathing heavily, obviously having ran here, a million excuses ready to burst from his lips.

“Why are you late?” The teacher asks, unimpressed.

“Practice ran over time, sorry.” Minho answers, not sounding sorry at all.

“Take a seat, I’ll be talking to your coach about this. This is the last time you show up late to class.” She continues, letting him pass by her to his seat. This will not be the last time he shows up late to class.

Minho makes a face at him as he walks to his seat, back turned to the teacher. Kibum smiles and rolls his eyes, feeling Minho slide in comfortably behind him.

As soon as the teacher is done lecturing, passing out another worksheet, Minho kicks his desk. A shot of annoyance flashes through Kibum, he turns around with a spiteful glare only to Minho's boyish grin.

“Stop  _ doing _ that.” Kibum complains.

“Ah, doesn’t feel too good to sit in front now, does it?” Minho teases, referencing the year prior when they had history together and all Kibum would do was kick Minho's desk in front of him.

“Whatever.” Kibum rolls his eyes, sneering when Minho sticks his tongue out.

Minho looks at him then “Everyone’s talking about it, by the way.”

“It?” Kibum asks, tone innocent. He knows what he means but he really wishes he didn’t.

Minho gives him an exasperated look. “Don’t play dumb, Kibum. You know what. Everyone is talking about it.”

Kibum squirms uncomfortably in tandem with his squirming stomach. “Everyone?”

Minho nods with one eyebrow quirked in worry. It makes Kibum sigh and suddenly his head hurts more than it should.

“How the hell does  _ everyone _ know already? There wasn’t anyone there when we talked and they seem like private people?”

Minho looks at him before at Jinki, who is most likely listening to them but, and to his credit, staring resolutely away. Minho leans in a little closer and Kibum doesn’t like how worried he looks. “No one saw it happen, don’t worry. But Jonghyun isn’t here today, so people are drawing conclusions. I’m sorry, Kibum, I know you didn’t want so much attention around it.”

Kibum sighs and drops his head into his hands. “Great. Absolutely wonderful school week this has been.” 

Minho is silent and he must not know what to say.

“I just don’t understand why this is such a big deal! Do people have nothing better to talk about?” Kibum snaps when he lifts his head back up.

Minho offers him a placating shrug. “Jonghyun’s popular, a lot of people like him. A lot of people consider themselves friends with him.”

Kibum groans. “I don’t care, I just want people to leave me the fuck alone.”

“As long as Jonghyun’s interested in you, that’s not likely to happen.” Minho continues and he sounds like he sympathizes but Kibum is annoyed at him for bringing up the truth, anyway.

Kibum sighs some. “Well,” he looks at Jinki, who is still looking away and doing his worksheet like a good student. Kibum leans in closer anyway, really not wanting anyone to hear. “I rejected him yesterday. If that doesn’t send the message that I’m not interested, I don’t know what would.”

“You think he’s gonna stop liking you?”

“I think he’s gonna stop pursuing me and the school will move onto the next juicy rumor.” Kibum explains. It’s logical, true, and gives Kibum some reassurance.

Minho hums, considering, before nodding his head. “Yeah, sounds about right.”

“I know.” Kibum starts, Minho rolls his eyes at him in response. “I’m just annoyed by all the staring.”

Minho smiles some but Kibum can see it’s not genuine, that Minho does look to be worried for him. That he looks to feel sorry for him. Kibum laughs and pats Minho's arm. “Stop looking so sad, you said it yesterday. It’s not a huge deal.”

“I know. Just... this whole situation is just a little ridiculous, isn’t it?”

Kibum gives him a look. “You’re telling me.”

Minho grins and then kicks Kibum's desk. Kibum slaps his arm in reflex, glaring with all the venom he can muster. “Stop it.” He hisses.

“That doesn’t sound like algebra to me.” Their teacher calls out and Kibum huffs. How convenient for their teacher to care about them doing the worksheet at the wrong times.

Kibum turns around and looks down at his paper, huffing in pure exasperation when Minho kicks his desk again.

-

The day continued as Kibum expected, with nothing happening except for his peers vigorous stares. He’s lost the anxiety it’s caused him and instead only feels very mild annoyance. It’s really not that fun to walk around anywhere and have everyone looking at you as if you’re just some piece of meat to discuss.

It’s at lunch, while he’s waiting for Minho to join him at their usual table, that  _ it _ happens. He’s scrolling through various apps, meaninglessly liking posts and tapping away on his phone, when suddenly he can feel someone standing behind him.

That familiar jolt of anxiety runs through him before being replaced with annoyance. It must be another person here to ask him about Jonghyun and he is so sick of it, so he turns around with a sneer on his lips and venom in his eyes, very ready to tell them to  _ fuck off _ .

What he doesn’t expect when he turns around is to meet face to face with none other than Jonghyun himself.

Kibum’s eyes widen from his previous glare quite quickly and he’s suddenly at a loss of words. Jonghyun seems to be in the same position, merely staring at him awestruck. It feels like the whole cafeteria is watching them but Kibum doesn’t care, can’t care because Jonghyun is much better to pay attention to.

“Um.” Jonghyun breaks the silence, clearing his throat. “Hi.”

He looks so awkward and innocent, though the bags below his eyes are similar to Kibums own and he must not have slept much either. Kibum wonders what Jonghyun is doing here in front of him, considering he had thought Jonghyun didn’t show up today. At least, that’s what everyone else had said.

“Hi.” Kibum slowly drawls in response, confusion and apprehension evident in his tone. Jonghyun’s cheeks start blooming that beautiful red and he fidgets a bit, shuffling around and then scratching the back of his neck.

They stand in silence and Kibum can  _ feel _ how anxious and nervous Jonghyun is. It really isn’t helping. Nothing is helping, this all around kind of sucks. He just feels so jittery and put on the spot. It aggravates him, seeing Jonghyun here in front of him when he had already said  _ no _ .

Suddenly he is acutely aware of the stares on them, on him, suddenly acutely reminded of how much the student body loves Jonghyun and how invested they are in what the older boy does. Kibum can feel unforgiving heat crawl up his neck and bloom on his cheeks because  _ everyone is staring at him _ . He feels so weak, so weak to the stares of his peers, so weak to Jonghyun’s soft voice and large eyes, so weak to his sweet words. He hates it.

“Can I sit with you?” Jonghyun asks, pointing to the empty seat next to Kibum.

Kibum feels himself freeze with fear.  _ No. _ No, Jonghyun can absolutely not sit with him because Kibum is unsure he can actually physically handle someone so beautiful, so handsome, so kind up close. He will fucking combust.

“... Sure.” Is what he says instead because for as brazen as Kibum can be, he cannot be  _ that _ mean.

He sees Minho finally enter the cafeteria from where he is sat, taking quick and agile steps to their table. Minho's gait slows then and he makes extremely confused eye contact with Kibum, a million questions in his eyes.

The stares had begun to drop as people returned to their conversations. Some eyes lingered, namely Minho, who is still looking at Kibum with that  _ look _ . Kibum makes the same face at him as Minho steadily, albeit awkwardly, approaches them. Jonghyun watches Minho curiously and all Kibum can do is direct his gaze to the table.

“Hello.” Jonghyun smiles kindly at Minho and it’s friendly, too friendly. Kibum is annoyed.

Minho flashes that signature boyish grin. “Hey, I’m Minho.”

“Choi Minho?” Jonghyun asks, head tilted as if thinking.

Minho nods once, still smiling. 

“I’ve heard of you. Such a sports buff, yeah? I’m Jonghyun.”

Kibum does not like how amicable they’re being. Does not really like anything, though, at the moment.

Minho glances at Kibum and Kibum glares back at him. “I’ve heard of you.” He starts, smiling at the repetition. “A talented musician, yeah?”

Jonghyun laughs bashfully. “I’m sure all you’ve heard is rumors. I assure you I’m not dark and brooding, or really mysterious. And, ah, singing is really just a hobby. I wouldn’t call myself a musician.”

Minho is smiling that  _ I like this person _ smile and Kibum is so aggravated. This cannot be happening. “I didn’t peg you for the brooding type, don’t worry. You’re not gonna make music a career?”

Kibum risks a glance to Jonghyun and, if possible, that friendly smile become strained around the edges and his eyes darken just so. He wonders if Minho also caught it.

“No. Not a very realistic career, is it?”

“I wouldn’t say that. A hard one to navigate, but not unrealistic.” Choi Minho, ever the people’s person.

Jonghyun merely shrugs, noncommittal, before making very sudden eye contact with Kibum. Kibum jolts and looks away.

“Kibum is into music. He likes to dance a lot.” Minho suddenly switches the subject and Kibum hates him for putting the focus on him.

“You dance?” Jonghyun asks, surprised and interested. Kibum glares even harder at Minho and Minho merely smiles back.

“I guess.” Kibum responds, teeth gritted. It’s not known to anyone besides Minho because it’s not even a  _ hobby _ . He just likes it, just does it sometimes. But now not only does Minho know, so does Jonghyun.

“That’s really cool, Kibum.” Jonghyun grins at him, Kibum feels pink on his cheeks and shrugs before looking away.

Conversation becomes stilted after that. It’s so awkward and Kibum doesn’t know what to say, can feel himself drowning in the tense silence. Minho is looking down at his phone before looking at Kibum suddenly.

“Oh, Kibum. I have track practice after school, you’ll have to walk home alone.”

Kibum can’t help the groan that leaves his lips. “I walked here alone today! You had track practice this  _ morning _ .”

Minho offers him a fond smile. “I have a meet coming up. We have to practice for those.”

“Yeah, yeah. Something, something track practice, something, something I hate Minho.”

Minho sends a well aimed kick to his leg under the table and Kibum starts to pretend to die, complete with groaning and faces, before remembering Jonghyun next to him. He straightens up.

“You run track? I thought you did soccer.” Jonghyun chimes in.

“I did soccer in middle school, got kind of bored of it and wanted to try something new.” Minho explains.

“Bored, he says.” Kibum sighs out. “So talented with sports.” Kibum mocks, shaking his head and Minho kicks him under the table again.

“Stop  _ kicking _ me!” Kibum whines out.

“Stop being  _ annoying _ .” Minho sings back and Kibum reaches over the table to pinch his shoulder.

Minho yelps. “I swear you’re like three, and in front of our guest, too!” His voice is mock patronizing and Kibum feels that damn heat on his cheeks again.

“Sorry, Jonghyun-ssi. Kibum just turned three years old, he can’t help it.” Minho responds, his tone apologetic and teasing.

“Hey,” Kibum drawls. “You can stop being an asshole, now.”

Jonghyun laughs, bright and cute and clear and Kibum feels himself go even more red. “It’s okay,” He looks at Kibum, then. The eye contact is too meaningful. “I think it’s cute.”

Kibum looks away sharply, glaring at Minho when he laughs in response.

“I’m a junior, by the way. I know you guys are sophomores.” Jonghyun adds. “You can call me hyung.”

Kibum feels himself melt again at Jonghyun’s small, sweet voice. He is so cute, Kibum despises how endeared he feels for the older boy.

The bell rings then and Kibum realizes he never even had time to eat. They all stand and grab their stuff, getting ready to head into the flow of students, when suddenly Jonghyun gently grabs his wrist. It’s decidedly more to get his attention than anything, but it still makes Kibum's skin light up and he snatches his wrist away.

Jonghyun looks at him softly, too softly. “Um, can i walk you to class?”

Kibum pauses, stops, sends a glance to Minho. Minho is looking at him like he doesn’t know the answer either and  _ damnit Minho _ .

“Uh.” He is nervous and he doesn’t know what he’s doing and Jonghyun is looking at him with those too sweet, too large eyes. So he folds. “I guess.”

Usually Minho walks him to his class before going to his own, giving ample time for them to talk and joke around. Not today, Kibum supposes.

“That’s cool, I have to go meet up with a friend, anyways.” Minho shrugs and he's not lying, though Kibum still eyes him warily.

“We’ll talk later?” Kibum asks, Minho nods with a grin, reaching over to ruffle Kibum's hair. Kibum slaps his arm.

Kibum turns back around with a sigh after watching Minho go to a separate back exit of the cafeteria.

“You guys seem very close.” Jonghyun comments lightly. Kibum almost forgot he was there. Almost.

Kibum snorts, close didn’t even cut it. “Our mothers are best friends, we’ve known each other since out of the womb, practically.”

Jonghyun nods, interested. “So, you guys grew up together?”

“He’s like a brother to me.” Kibum responds. He’s an only child, and the presence of Minho helped more than he could ever explain. Truthfully, Kibum doesn’t know what he’d do without Minho.

“That’s really sweet.” Jonghyun says, shouldering his backpack straps a little better as they walk through the hallway leading out of the cafeteria exit. “I have a sister, my noona. She’s great.” He speaks fondly and Kibum smiles in acknowledgment.

“Jinki-hyung is my best friend.” Jonghyun continues, following Kibum's lead. “I met him freshman year. He’s been a really great and helpful friend for me. I would’ve had a lot of trouble navigating high school without him.”

Jonghyun speaks of his loved ones so kindly, so fondly. He sounds well and truly grateful, Kibum thinks he seems like a sentimental person. Soft. Kibum wonders if Jonghyun lived a lonely life, having only his sister until freshman year. He feels a pang in his heart and he suddenly does not like how close this conversation is.

“Minho’s just a jackass.” Kibum says idly, to break the soft atmosphere.

Jonghyun laughs, amused. The silence that ensues is comfortable and Kibum takes the time to notice their height difference. Why is that so cute? 

Before he can truly appreciate it though, his brain reminds him of the uncomfortable situation that is Jonghyun’s crush on him. He stops then, looking at Jonghyun. Jonghyun continues for a few steps before realizing Kibum is no longer beside him. Jonghyun laughs and backs up, letting Kibum pull him to the side of the hallway so they’re not in the direct flow of students trying to get to their class.

“What’s up?” Jonghyun asks, head tilted.

“Why are you doing this? You are aware I rejected you, right?” Kibum cuts right to the chase, leaving no room for gentleness.

Jonghyun’s eyes turned pained for a moment before he shrugs feebly. “Yeah, I... I know that. But, well-“

“So, you know that there’s no reason for you to be doing this, then.”

Jonghyun looks at him, just looks at him. Kibum stares back, defiantly.

“Kibum, you said you rejected me because you didn’t know me. I’m not asking for a second chance, and I’m not expecting anything. I just want a chance for you to get to know me, and for me to get to know you more.” Jonghyun explains. 

All Kibum can do is stare back, narrowing his eyes as if trying to read Jonghyun’s mind.

This was a fair point. But still, something nags at him. Something makes him uncomfortable. “You wrote a song for me.”

“You deserve a million songs.”

Kibum feels his face immediately burst with warmth and he looks away. Internally, he gags. “Okay, no. None of that. If... if you want to get to know me, it’s gonna be as my friend. Acquaintance, even. Not you wooing me.”

Jonghyun looks unsure, thinking. But his eyes meet Kibums again and he nods. “We’re gonna be late for class.”

“And who’s fault is that?” Kibum responds, grabbing Jonghyun’s arm and pulling them back into the sea of students, continuing the path to his classroom.

“Kim Kibum, I hope you’re not implying  _ I’m _ at fault here.” Jonghyun asks in mock incredulity.

Kibum merely looks at him, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He stops them in front of the doorway to one of several classrooms on the hallway. “This is my class. Goodbye, hyung.”

Jonghyun smiles shyly and it does not do good things for Kibum's heart. Jonghyun turns as if to leave before spinning back around, eyes wide with expectancy.

“Can I meet you here and walk you to your next class?” Jonghyun asks, hopeful.

Kibum wants to say no. Should say no, but there’s something about Jonghyun’s big eyes that he  _ cannot _ say no to. The proposition sounds awfully romantic, like something a boyfriend would do, and he knows those are Jonghyun’s intentions. He can’t bring himself to say that, however, because Minho walks him to class everyday and they’re the farthest thing from romantic. It would be hypocritical of him to say no and cite that as the reason.

“I guess.” He says finally. 

The unsureness he feels just be written all over his face, but Jonghyun grins brightly at him anyway.

“Okay, stay here when the bell rings. I’ll come get you.” He looks like he wants to do something, fidgeting for a moment before nodding once in finality and waving his hand goodbye. Kibum quirks his brow before turning around and entering his classroom.

It’s when everyone is staring at him that he realizes this was maybe not the best move if he wanted people to stop talking about him, about Jonghyun, about him  _ and _ Jonghyun.

It was too late now.

-

The day continues like that, with Jonghyun meeting him outside every class and walking him to his next one. He’s finding it harder and harder to be annoyed with the situation, annoyed with even Jonghyun.

A part of him wants to kick himself for being so abrasive to Jonghyun because the more he gets to know the older boy, the more he finds his company comforting. What also kind of sucks is how attracted Kibum is feeling to Jonghyun.

It doesn’t help that Jonghyun is incredibly handsome, to the point Kibum finds himself stuttering over his words when Jonghyun so much as looks at him. And not only that, knowing Jonghyun likes him, knowing how much Jonghyun likes him, is making his heart do funny things. Things he does not approve of.

He’s at his locker at the end of the day, putting the rest of his books in his locker, Jonghyun watching him too carefully. Kibum had expected him to leave at this point, but he just leans against the locker beside his, waiting.

“Can I drive you home?” Jonghyun asks suddenly and Kibum furrows his brow.

“You sure? My house is only a few blocks down, I can walk.” Kibum drawls, making eye contact with the boy as he shuts his locker and shoulders his bag.

Jonghyun grins. “Of course, I’ll just drop you off. I have to get to work, anyways. It’ll be really quick.”

Kibum tilts his head as they begin walking towards the exit to the school parking lot. “Work? Where do you work?”

Jonghyun laughs a little and it sounds embarrassed. “Just a retail store at the mall, I needed money and they were hiring most anyone.”

Kibum wants to ask what retail store, wants to press, wants to tease him, but he just hums in acknowledgement.

“How long have you worked there?” Kibum asks instead.

“Ah. Um. Since I could work. 15, I’m turning 17 soon.”

“That long?” Kibum is surprised, especially considering it’s a retail job.

Jonghyun shrugs, holding open the exit door for him. “I needed money, still need money. It’s not a bad job.”

Kibum hums again and descends the steps rapidly, waiting for Jonghyun to lead him to his car when they reach the bottom.

“Uh, this way.” Jonghyun mumbles, redirecting him to the right side of the parking lot.

When they reach what Kibum assumes is Jonghyun’s car, he’s not expecting a very beat up looking Honda. Jonghyun huffs out a nervous laugh, unlocking the car, “It’s my mom’s.” He mumbles.

Kibum opens the passenger door. “I’m not judging, I don’t have a car.”

“Can you even drive?” Jonghyun asks, brow quirked, when they both close their doors.

“No.” Kibum responds coolly. Jonghyun looks at him, a fond smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He starts up the car and they sit in silence as they pull out of the school parking lot.

“Just keep going straight down this road, my house is really close.” Kibum instructs, pulling out his phone and opening his texts with Minho. He snaps an unflattering under selfie and sends it. The response is almost immediate.

**balls(get it):** who kidnapped you

Kibum laughs and then feels Jonghyun peeks over his shoulder. “Balls?”

Kibum looks at him. “Balls.” He types back a quick  _ Joe _ and he knows Minho will throw a pillow at him later. “It’s Minho. He plays a lot of sports involving balls, so. It’s been his contact name for, like, two years. I haven’t bothered to change it.”

“Fair enough.” Jonghyun nods.

Kibum clicks his phone shut and keeps his eyes on the road. “You just passed it.”

Jonghyun slams on the brakes, making them both jolt forward with the force of it. “What?”

“My house. You just passed it.” He sends a slow glance to the house they’re in front of, two doors down from his own. “This is Minho’s house.”

“You should’ve said something earlier.” Jonghyun mumbles some.

“I’ll just get out here. Thank you, Jonghyun.” Kibum unbuckles his seatbelt and opens the door, shouldering his backpack. Jonghyun is watching him carefully with a kind of half smile, Kibum doesn’t like how much it makes his heart thump.

“I’ll see you, Kibum.” He responds, like a promise. Kibum nods once before closing the door, only catching a glimpse of Jonghyun’s full smile.

Jonghyun’s car doesn’t drive off until Kibum opens the door to his house. It’s kind of silly, Jonghyun watching him to make sure he’s okay. Kibum rolls his eyes at the car as it drives away.

Stupid attractive, kind Jonghyun. Stupid, foolish Kibum.

-

**balls(get it):** im home come over

It’s about 7:30 PM when Minho texts him, most likely having just finished practice. He clicks his phone shut, jumping out of bed to find his shoes.

“I’m going to Minho’s.” Kibum calls when he gets downstairs, already opening the door.

“I want you home and in bed by 10:30.” His mom yells back.

He doubts he’ll be gone that long but, you know, mothers.

He walks as quickly as he can to Minho’s house, only two doors down from his house, furiously knocking when he reaches its door. He doesn’t expect Minho’s older brother to open it, staring at him curiously before his face splits into a grin too similar to Minho’s own shit eating smile.

“Hey, Key! Long time, no see!” He says. Kibum shudders at the use of the nickname Kibum made and insisted everyone use when he was 12, annoyed at how many Kim Kibums there were and desperately trying to be different.

“Stop calling me that.” Kibum mutters, shoving past the older boy and into the Choi household. Kibum doesn’t care to know why or how he’s home from college.

Immediately starts up the stairs, comfortably walking down the hallway until he reaches Minho’s room. He doesn’t bother to knock, barging in and jumping onto Minho’s bed.

“Nice jammies.” Minho comments in mock appreciation, phone in hand where he sits at his desk. Kibum is wearing nothing but his T-shirt, shoes, and plaid pajama bottoms, always getting changed into them as soon as he comes home.

“Nice sweatsuit.” Kibum snaps back. Minho hasn’t even bothered to change, or even shower, and Kibum is disgusted to know he has to have a conversation with the taller boy while he’s smelly and grimy and gross.

“I’ll take my pants off and get changed right now, if you want.” Minho offers, teasing.

Kibum wrinkles his nose. “You should’ve gotten changed before I got here.”

“Excuse me if I wanted to know who drove you home today. I know that’s not your moms car, and I know she wouldn’t pick you up.”

Kibum sighs once, stretching out on Minho’s blue comfort. “Take a wild guess.”

Minho looks at him, realization flashes over his eyes. “And you really rejected him?”

Kibum lifts his head up to give Minho an incredulous look. “Being driven home is so bare minimum, are you joking?”

“I don’t know, man. If someone drove me home after a long day of track practice, I think I’d marry them on the spot.” Minho grins at him.

Kibum huffs at him. “Yeah, of course you would.”

“There is some underlying aggression there, which I very much do not appreciate.” Minho comments, putting his phone on his desk before placing his hands on his knees as if preparing for something interesting.

“So, tell me about it. I haven’t been able to see you all day, Jonghyun’s been keeping you to himself.” Minho starts.

Kibum looks at him, and then to the wall. He flops his head down and shrugs. 

“Oh, come on, Kibum. You’re so boring.” Minho groans, picking up his foam football and throwing it at Kibum. Kibum feels it harmlessly bounce off his stomach.

“I don’t understand why you’re so invested in this.”

Minho scoffs. “Yeah, what an odd concept. Someone interested in their best friend and what’s going on with them? I can't even fathom it.” Kibum can hear the eye roll from here. He looks up to make eye contact because Minho isn’t usually so sarcastic.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Minho.” Kibum says, face unsure.

“Well, what’s he like?”

Kibum looks away because that question alone is gonna make Kibum go on and on about the interesting person that is Jonghyun. He really does not want to do that.

“He’s... um, he’s nice. Really nice.” Kibum says, feeling the words tumble out of his mouth.

Minho rolls his eyes. “I mean, I gathered that when he chose to drive your insufferable ass home.”

Kibum swiftly picks up the foam football by his side and launches it at the taller boy. “Stop being so sarcastic.”

Minho catches it at his chest and grins harmlessly. “Okay, sorry. But you owe me more info, stop being shy around me. I’m not gonna make fun of you.”

“I beg to differ.” Kibum mumbles. Minho sticks his tongue out. “Ugh. Okay.”

Kibum sighs before shifting so he’s sitting cross legged on the bed. “He’s really sweet. Funny. He’s easy to talk to, he’s very nice to me.” Kibum mumbles shyly.

Minho fake gags and Kibum sends him the meanest glare he can in response. “You asked, idiot! God, I can’t stand you.”

“I’m  _ kidding _ . All jokes.” Minho raises his hands as if they’re some kind of shield against Kibum's glaring eyes. “It was nice of him to walk you to all your classes, even though we didn’t get any chances to talk.”

“I think he’s,” Kibum stops before groaning. “God, I feel like a teenage girl... I think he’s planning to sit with us at lunch and walk me to class everyday.”

“What about me?” Minho whines dramatically. 

“You can be the third wheel.” Kibum shrugs, smiling. “I’m not mean enough to tell him to fuck off.”

Minho laughs. “Ugh, no thanks.” Minho purses his lips in consideration, then. “So, is he trying to woo you?”

“I’d like to think no, considering I rejected him and also told him I only want to be friendly. He said he just wants to get to know me, and whether that’s with romantic or friendly intentions, I don’t know anymore.” Kibum explains. His voice is logical and concise but inside he’s so... squishy. He feels a mess of butterflies and nerves and he  _ hates _ it.

“You friend zoned him?” Minho winces. “He’s a tough one, soldiering through that.”

“Oh, shut up. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be friends.” Kibum huffs out.

Minho laughs again, that same lighthearted grin in place. “Is that all you want to be, though?”

“What?”

“Friends. Do you only want to be friends with Jonghyun?” Minho reiterates.

Kibum pouts his lips in thought. He does and doesn’t. All in all, he kind of just wished this never happened to him. Jonghyun is sweet, charming, a real catch, but there is pride sitting in Kibum's stomach that makes it too hard to change his mind.

“I don’t know.” Kibum says finally. “I... it’s too soon to even be thinking like this. He’s just someone I’m getting to know right now.” 

Minho nods. “Okay, Kibum.”

“Okay?” Kibum asks, a smile tugging at his lips.

“Okay.” Minho confirms. “Now, to what’s really important. Did you do your math homework?”

Kibum frowns. “I’m not letting you copy.”

“What?! Why not?! You’re such a fake friend!” Minho bursts out.

“Because it’s so easy! You’re gonna fail if you don’t know how to do it for yourself.” Kibum lectures.

“Why can’t you just let me copy, just this once.”

“I  _ always _ let you copy!” Kibum defends himself, affronted that Minho would accuse him of not being a real friend.

“Fine, let me get changed and then you  _ help _ me with homework. Good?” Minho offers.

“Whatever. You smell, take a shower.” Kibum sniffs.

Minho stands up from his chair and takes the foam football, throwing it too forcefully at Kibum's chest. He escapes into his bathroom before Kibum can even try to do anything.

-

The conversation with Minho stays in the back of his head, though he tries his best to not let himself think too much of it. The truth was, he still didn’t know Jonghyun enough to develop any sort of crush, and he needed to stay true to just wanting to be friends. If it happens, it happens.

He’s getting ready for school when he gets a text from Minho. It’s not unusual as they walk to school together, so he plans to only glance at it and not respond.

**balls(get it):** someone is outside my house

Kibum frowns.  _ what? _ he types back. 

The reply is immediate.

**balls(get it):** get over here pls

Kibum's head snaps up, he drops his phone on his bed and races to the window. Sure enough, when he cranes his head, there is a car parked outside the Choi residence. He narrows his eyes in suspicion because that looks a little too much like Jonghyun’s Honda.

Kibum sighs. It’s a little earlier than he would like to leave, but he slips on his shoes and shoulders his backpack nonetheless.

“Bye, dad!” He shouts, knowing his dad was due to leave around this time and his mom was already on her way to work. There’s no response and Kibum rolls his eyes.

When he reaches the Choi residence and, subsequently, what he’s now sure is Jonghyun’s car, he spots Jonghyun’s form awkwardly standing outside of Minho’s door.

“Lost?” Kibum calls out, comfortably walking up the pathway to the door.

Jonghyun spins around and his face immediately brightens, it makes Kibum's stomach twist uncomfortably. “Kibum! Hey!”

“Hi, hyung.” Kibum greets when he reaches the doorstep, standing next to Jonghyun. “What’re you doing here?”

“Um.” Jonghyun rubs the back of his neck. “You and Minho walk to school together, right? I was thinking I could drive you guys, but I don’t think anyone’s home.”

Kibum sighs. “Minho’s home, he’s just being dumb.” He sidesteps Jonghyun and starts banging on the door as loud as he can. “Choi Minho! Open the door!”

Silence. Kibum steps back and looks at Jonghyun. “You probably freaked him out. He’s not very coherent in the morning.”

They stand for a minute and when Kibum realizes no one is opening the door, he sighs. “Hold on.” He mutters. 

He opens the door, knowing it would be unlocked. The Chois leave the door unlocked for him every morning, knowing he comes to walk to school with Minho, but he always knocks to give Minho some sense of privacy.

He closes the door and stomps up the stairs. “Hey! Choi Minho, what are you doing?” He yells as soon as he opens the door and barges in.

Minho’s peeking out his window at the car, head snapping to Kibum's voice immediately.

“You dumbass, it’s just Jonghyun.” Kibum elbows Minho swiftly in the ribs.

“Jonghyun?”

“Yes! I don’t know what or who you were thinking, you mess.” Kibum rolls his eyes. It’s no secret that Minho isn’t all there in the mornings, when he’s just woken up, and he tends to think absolutely nothing through during these times.

Kibum sees that Minho is mostly ready to go. “Come on, Jonghyun is driving us to school.”

Minho quirks a brow, beginning to slip on his socks. “We live right next to the school, is it really necessary to come all the way here?”

Kibum shrugs. “Beats me. Come on, hurry.”

Kibum only catches Minho’s displeased expression and wrinkled nose as he exits the room, closing the door behind him. He quickly steps down the stairs and strides to the front door to meet Jonghyun.

“He’s coming, sorry. He didn’t recognize your car.”

Jonghyun is sitting down on the doorstep, and when he looks out from under his lashes and smiles so softly at him, Kibum feels his heart stutter. “That’s okay.”

Jonghyun holds a hand out and Kibum stares at it, an eyebrow furrowed in confusion. “Help me up?” He asks so sweetly. Kibum feels his cheeks tinge pink and he rolls his eyes, grabbing Jonghyun and pulling.

All he registers is that, except for calluses on the older boys fingers, his hands are just as soft as the rest of him. It’s so cute, it makes Kibum's heart stutter yet again.

“You have calluses on your fingers.” Kibum comments lowly, clearing his throat and stepping back when he realizes how close they are.

“Yeah, I play bass. And guitar.” Jonghyun responds. Kibum nods.

“Do you play any other instruments?” Kibum asks, am more than a little interested.

“Piano. And I’m learning to play the drums.” Jonghyun answers with a smile.

Kibum snorts. Why is that so hot? “A jack of trades.” Is what he says, his voice noticeably teasing.

“Do you play instruments?” Jonghyun asks inquisitively.

Kibum laughs. “Ah, if you count the trombone in middle school. Minho and I were in band together. Music isn’t really my thing.”

“I thought you liked dance?” Jonghyun’s head is tilted.

Kibum shrugs. “It’s okay. I don’t know, I can’t really do much.”

Jonghyun frowns. “We were in chorus together. I know you can sing.”

Kibum flushes. Jonghyun even mentioning them being in chorus together makes him think back to the letter, back to where the crush all started. “It’s okay.”

Jonghyun shakes his head. “You should sing for me some time.”

All Kibum can do is laugh like it’s a joke, but Jonghyun still is looking at him so meaningfully, so Kibum changes the subject. “I still haven’t heard you sing.”

Jonghyun turns incredibly shy then. “Ah, you don’t want to.”

Kibum frowns. “You’re kidding, right?”

Because there is no way with how much Jonghyun’s voice is praised and loved and admired and  _ known _ that he doesn’t want to hear the older boy sing. Jonghyun shrugs, looking bashfully at the ground.

“You’re voice is all people can talk about, of course I want to hear what all the fuss is about.” Kibum says.

Jonghyun just shrugs again, refusing to make eye contact. They both turn around when the door opens, revealing Minho looking exhausted.

“Someone took their sweet time.” Kibum says, Minho squints at him before moving forward to throw an arm around his shoulder.

“Good morning to you too, Kibum.” Minho smiles. He directs the smile to Jonghyun. “Hey, hyung.”

“Hey, Minho.” Jonghyun smiles widely. “You don’t mind if I drive you guys?”

“Not at all. Just wondering if you mind, we live 10 minutes from the school by walking.” Minho responds.

Jonghyun sends a not so subtle glance to Kibum and  _ god _ , could he be anymore obvious? “I don’t mind.”

“Ah.” Is all Minho says, his tone conveying that he definitely knows. Kibum rolls his eyes.

Kibum refuses to still be standing on the front doorstep of the Choi’s house, so he brushes past them and to the car with a scoff. He hears them follow him steadily.

The car ride to the school is awkwardly quiet, none of them really knowing what to say. Kibum can feel the relief punch out of his lungs when they finally reach the school, not wanting to sit in that tense silence any longer.

“You can just drop us off here, hyung.” Kibum requests, finding walking from the parking lot with the older boy very unfavorable.

Jonghyun looks at him wide eyed for a moment before smiling placatingly. “Yeah, that’ll work. Bye guys.”

“Bye, hyung.” They chorus back, Minho sounding more enthused than Kibum.

They step out of the car and walk in relative silence until they’re in the school. Minho shoves him too roughly, then, and Kibum stumbles forward.

Kibum purses his lips and faces him with a venomous glare.

“I don’t think I even need to say it at this point.” Minho says, wrapping his arm around Kibum's shoulder and pulling him in as they start to walk.

“I don’t think I even know what to say at this point.” Kibum mumbles back

“I mean, hey, I am not complaining. Looks like I’m getting free rides out of it.” Minho continues, his voice light. Kibum scoffs.

“Glad to know I have your approval.” Kibum replies sarcastically. “It was the only thing stopping me, after all.”

“Of course, Kibummie!” Minho grins at him and it, unfortunately, makes Kibum let out an unwilling laugh, bumping his shoulder with his own.

Minho smiles once again before dropping his arm and stepping away. “Okay, I’ll see you first period.” He says, referring to how they need to go to their lockers which are in different hallways. Kibum walks on with only a small wave goodbye.

-

With the presence of the quiet senior in their math class comes the awkward unsureness of both Kibum and Minho.

“Should we talk to him?” Minho mumbles into his ear, most definitely trying extra hard not to be heard.

“Why would we?” Kibum responds, not looking back and instead doodling stupid things on the corners of his worksheet.

“Well, I mean. Are we friends with Jonghyun-hyung?”

Kibum turns his head around slightly then to look at Minho. Minho pulls his head back so they’re not so close together, looking at him questioningly.

“Are we?” Kibum raises a brow.

Minho smiles a little. “Well. Jonghyun-hyung told us to call him hyung and gave us a ride to school.”

“That doesn’t mean he’s our friend.”

Minho rolls his eyes and shoves Kibum’s shoulder a little bit. “Stop being so harsh. I think we should talk to him.”

Kibum rolls his eyes. “I think you should do your worksheet and leave me alone.”

There’s a scoff before the presence of someone just behind him retreats. He hardly has a moment to enjoy it before Minho is kicking the back of his desk.

“God you’re like two years old, I swear-“ Kibum starts, turning around and hissing out the words.

“Kibum.” Comes his teachers hard voice. Kibum makes sheepish eye contact with her, her own gaze unimpressed.

“Yes, teacher.” Kibum responds, turning back around in his seat.

The small giggles from behind him make him want to commit bloody murder.

-

This time, Kibum is a little late to lunch. He had to stay behind in his prior class to finish a worksheet, his teacher not letting him leave until he did.

When he finally makes it to the lunch room, he’s surprised to see not only Minho and Jonghyun chatting amicably, but Jinki as well. He stands in the doorway of the cafeteria entrance for a moment before sighing and beginning the slow walk to their table. When he reaches eyeshot of Minho, Minho's eyes flash with something like relief. He says something Kibum can’t quite catch and Jonghyun and Jinki are suddenly both turning around.

It kind of hits him all at once how Jonghyun looks at him. It’s overwhelming in the most pleasant way, sends tingles over his skin. For Jonghyun looks at with a fondness that is nothing like anything else, with such gentle and tender care in his eyes, with such awe that Kibum feels like he must’ve hung the moon and stars.

Jinki only smiles once before turning back around, but it’s like Jonghyun can’t keep his eyes off him, smiley so dopily. It makes Kibum more shy than he’s ever been, sliding into his seat quietly and placing his bag down.

“Someone took their sweet time.” Minho comments lightly.

Kibum laughs a bit and he really doesn’t know why he’s nervously tucking strands of hair behind his ear. “Mr. Lee wouldn’t let me leave until I finished his packet, you know how he is.”

Minho shudders out a groan. “God, yeah. He’s the reason I almost failed that class, was so happy I didn’t get him again this year.”

“He’s not that bad.” Jinki chimes in then, soft and light. “I like him.”

Kibum and Minho look at him incredulously before Jonghyun lets out a laugh. “Don’t listen to him, he’s really good at science. All the science teachers love him.”

Jinki laughs. “That doesn’t mean anything.”

“That means everything, Jinki-ssi.” Minho huffs out, pouting and picking up his sandwich.

“Ah!” Jinki says, startling as if remembering something. “You both can call me hyung, by the way. Any friend of Jonghyun’s is a friend of mine.”

There’s a pleased laugh from Jonghyun. Minho and Kibum make very sudden eye contact then, seemingly relaying the exact same thought to each other.

_ I guess we’re all friends now _ .

-

It continues on like that for weeks, with Jinki and Jonghyun comfortably assimilating themselves into Minho and Kibum’s friendship. The school body, though still extremely interested in Jonghyun, stop paying it any mind and go back to gossiping about Jonghyun’s brooding origin story. Which is hilarious to all of them, much to the chagrin of Jonghyun himself.

Kibum would like to say he’s used to it, in fact, he would say he’s used to it by now. If it weren’t for the way Jonghyun still gazes at him like he is the most precious thing to exist, if not for the way Jonghyun still sneaks him fond little glances and the occasional gift. Weeks later, he still seems to adore Kibum.

Minho is absolutely no help, finding the situation absolutely hilarious. It’s more that he finds Jonghyun’s obvious crush hilarious more than Kibum’s annoyance at it all, taking to mimicking Jonghyun’s pattern of speech and gestures when he’s around Kibum.

Kibum, on the other hand, starts to find the situation less annoying because he’s being pursued by someone he doesn’t know and more annoying because he thinks... he really does eel the same.

Which is so annoying. Headache inducing, in fact. But he’s not sure he can really deny it anymore. He’s not sure he can deny the attraction that burns low in his belly, not sure he can deny the way his cheeks heat when Jonghyun touches him, not sure he can deny the butterflies that erupt in his stomach when Jonghyun so much as  _ looks _ at him. It makes him want to punch something, specifically himself.

He hasn’t told Minho this, but judging by the way Minho makes suggestive faces at him whenever Jonghyun isn’t looking, he already knows. Because Kibum is not exactly  _ subtle _ when he has a crush, at least not to Minho. He’s definitely more subtle than Jonghyun could ever hope to be, but he is still rather obvious when he’s attracted to a guy. He just counts himself lucky that Jonghyun is so oblivious.

It’s after a particular incident, wherein Jonghyun said he looked gorgeous and Kibum could only go bright red and shyly look away, that Minho finally interrogates him about it. It’s at the end of the day as Kibum is gathering his stuff at his locker, he internally rolls his eyes when he realizes all of his teenage drama occurs at his locker changes.

“Okay, fess up.” Minho starts, folding in his arm and leaning against the locker besides his in an attempt to look intimidating.

Kibum gives him a once over, raising a single brow, completely unimpressed. “What?”

Minho taps at Kibum's ankle with the toes of his foot lightly. “You know what.”

“I truly do not.” Kibum replies, uninterested with Minho's antics.

“Are you really gonna make me say it out loud?”

Kibum lets out a small laugh. “Is it really that big of a deal?”

Minho shrugs. “Depends on how you react.”

Kibum shuts his locker gently, shouldering his backpack. He looks at Minho and imitates his pose, leaning against the locker with folded arms. They’re waiting for Jonghyun to approach them, the older boy taking to driving them home when he can.

“Just say it.” Kibum says, shrugging a little.

Minho looks back and forth around the hallway too dramatically and Kibum wonders if he’s trying to make him laugh. It isn’t working. “You have a crush on Jonghyun.”

Kibum completely loses his composure, which must be exactly what Minho wants, the bastard. He feels a blazing heat crawl up his neck and paint his entire face, sputters some and uncrosses his arms indignantly. “What are you talking about?”

“Call me dumb all you want, but it’s obvious how smitten you are.” Minho continues, a smirk pulling at his lips at how Kibum reacts.

“You’re crazy.” Is all Kibum responds with.

“I’m your best friend, you can tell me.” Minho says honestly. He’s looking at Kibum with undeniable earnestness and Kibum sighs.

He looks at Minho, before looking away. Maybe Kibum is being a tiny bit ridiculous, Minho is his best friend. As annoying and dumb as he is, Kibum trusts him with his life. He sighs again, hands coming up to rub at his temples. Part of him doesn’t want to say it out loud because that will make this whole thing  _ more real _ , but the other part knows he should just tell Minho. Craves to tell someone.

“Okay.” Kibum starts, then huffs a bit. “Okay, yes. I think I like Jonghyun.”

“Think?”

“I don’t know, Minho!” Kibum raises his hands in frustration. Minho laughs and holds out his palms like a shield.

“That’s okay, Kibum.” Minho says. “Are you gonna do anything about it?”

“No, I think I’ll let my feelings fester and die and rot until I’m merely a shell of a man.” Kibum replies, completely deadpan.

“Well, that’s boring.”

“You’d know all about boring.” Kibum sneers.

“Hey, don’t take this out on me.”

Kibum sighs once more, leaning comfortably against his locker again. There’s still some lingering nerves, still some red on his cheeks, but he feels better. “Sorry.”

Minho opens his mouth as if to say someone, but they are interrupted by the sound of feet swiftly slapping against the old school tile. They both turn to see Jonghyun running at him, his hair blown up by his speed, showing his forehead. He slows to a stop when he reaches them, a hand coming up to smooth his hair.

“Hey, guys. Sorry I’m late, got held up with something.” Jonghyun apologizes, a rue smile in the corners of his lips.

“No worries, hyung.” Minho responds comfortably, grinning.

Kibum looks at Jonghyun slowly, his gaze zeroing in on what Jonghyun holds crumpled up in his hand. He narrows his eyes because it looks a little too close to a confession letter, pink with the faintest shine of glitter. There is suddenly something ugly clawing at his chest.

“What’s that?” Kibum asks, nodding to the letter in the older boys hand, pleased with how nonchalant he sounds.

Jonghyun raises his eyebrows in confusion before a look of realization passes over his face. Minho is curiously peering at the letter now too and it seems he recognizes what it is as well.

“Oh, this?” He crumples it up a little more and a small part of Kibum feels bad for whoever gave it to him. “Nothing important.”

Kibum is satisfied with the response, as Jonghyun’s tone conveys how little he truly thinks of it. It’s with a jolt he realizes how possessive he’s acting and thinks better of the situation, nodding and adjusting his bag straps and stepping forward some as if prepared to begin the walk to Jonghyun’s car.

Minho gives Kibum a look filled with a lot of underlying meaning and Kibum  _ knows _ their conversation isn’t over, knows Minho is going to squeeze more information out of him. But before Kibum can make any kind of face back, Minho is launching into a larger than life story, Jonghyun nodding along.

Kibum feels as if his heart is being squeezed the whole way, mind lost in thoughts, when did this become so complicated?

-

Instead of separating to their own houses, Minho insisted on coming over to Kibum’s. It’s not like Kibum’s mom would care about cooking for one more guest, she absolutely adored the taller boy. In fact, the first thing she excitedly asked after Kibum came out to her was if he was dating Minho. He never told Minho this, doesn’t think he can, the thought alone makes him shudder in disgust.

They’re in Kibum’s room, sitting criss crossed on Kibum’s bed. Minho is completely engaged in Kibum’s handheld game console and Kibum was almost sure they were not going to talk about the elephant in the room because of it.

He’s looking resolute off to the side, thinking, when he’s suddenly being shoved roughly. It takes him off guard, and he falls backwards on the bed. When he’s aware of  _ what the fuck _ is happening, he’s glaring at Minho and kicking him as close to the balls as he can get. Minho shields himself, grabbing the console and diving off the bed.

“You’re so annoying. I invite you into my home, into my room, for this?” Kibum laments, venom still in his tone though he’s teasing.

“I wanted to get your attention.” Minho says simply.

Kibum squints at him. “Yeah, and saying my name wouldn’t do the same thing.”

Minho shrugs. “Not as fun.”

“You’re awful. What’s up?” Kibum rolls his eyes, getting up and scooting back against the wall his bed sits against.

“I’m curious. What are you gonna do about Jonghyun hyung?” Minho asks, placing the console on Kibum’s desk and flouncing back onto the bed.

Kibum grabs a pillow and pulls it to his chest, squirming uncomfortably. “Nothing?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Why are you so invested in this?” Kibum asks, pouting in thought.

“I thought I made it clear I’m your best friend, and Jonghyun hyung is my friend, too. Why shouldn’t I be interested?” Minho asks.

Kibum shrugs in response, sighing. “I don’t know, Minho. I feel kind of stupid.”

“Because you coldly rejected him, friendzoned him, and now have a huge crush on him?”

Kibum takes his pillow and smacks Minho with it, frowning. He’s right, though, he’s kind of embarrassed. He’s also never confessed to someone before, also never liked someone like Jonghyun before, also feels a little overwhelmed.

“I don’t know. I... I honestly think there’s a lot more negatives to confessing to Jonghyun than positives.” Kibum mumbles.

Minho cocks his head. “How so? I mean, Jonghyun hyung is so smitten with you. I don’t think there’s any way he could reject you.”

Kibum lets a pleased blush spread across his cheeks, he looks down and shrugs again. He stops for a moment and really  _ thinks _ about it, about the situation, about Jonghyun, even about how he truly feels. It’s hard, feels like too much at once and it’s almost like he has to comb through his brain, through his heart, to find coherency in it all.

“I...” He starts quietly. “I think.... I like him, Minho.”

He glances to Minho for a second, who is looking at him neutrally, waiting for him to continue. So he does.

“He’s very kind to me, sweet to me. He’s really funny and... he puts up with my antics.” He pauses. He feels like he’s tripping over words, unsure how to put anything he’s thinking. “We just get along really well, we fit together really well. I think I really like him.”

They’re both silent for a moment before it seems to hit him all at once and  _ what the fuck _ . He really likes Jonghyun. Likes the way the older boy laughs, how sweet and kind he is to everyone, how selfless he is, how his eyes glaze over in contemplation, everything. He throws his pillow at the floor and places his head in the crook of his knees, letting out the most dramatic groan he can. He stays like that for a moment before snapping his head to make eye contact with Minho, his own gaze no doubt wide eyed with frenzy.

“Oh my god, I really like him.” He says finally, his tone conveying just how grave the situation is

Minho laughs then, Kibum wishes he had his pillow to throw at him. “Evidently.”

Kibum groans again. “This is so fucked. Never let anyone tell you karma isn’t real, Minho.”

Minho laughs once more, poking his knee and then his cheek. “So what’s the bad thing about liking a sweet guy who really likes you?”

Kibum rubs his tongue over his teeth, glaring at the wall at the irony of the situation. “He’s Jonghyun.”

“That is true.”

Kibum directs his glare to Minho. “Everyone loves him! Minho, how am I supposed to compete with that attention? How am I supposed to  _ handle _ that attention? I could barely take everyone talking about me when we didn’t know each other, imagine if we were dating, Minho! I can't do that!”

Minho's face passes over to something like sympathy, he stops, thinking and considering. Kibum is just lost.

“Why does that matter, though?” Minho finally says.

Kibum squints his eyes, looking away for a moment before back. “It just does.”

Minho pinches his knee, amusement tugging at his lips and a single brow lowered. “Why, though? Jonghyun doesn’t want the attention just as much as you don’t, you know how much he hates it.”

Kibum considers this. This was true, Minho and Kibum had come to learn that Jonghyun was decidedly not mysterious nor brooding, rather quiet and introverted. He didn’t do well with unwanted attention and got nervous easily. He was very much not the boy the student body painted him out to be.

“I just don’t think that, if you like him, it should matter. You should be happy with him, why does everyone else’s opinions matter?” Minho continues.

Kibum leans down to pick his pillow off the floor, hugging it to his chest once again. He sighs, feeling the tension and fierce apprehension leave his body in one breath. “I don’t know. I’ve never... I don't know. I’ve never dated anyone before either, it’s all so much.”

Minho shrugs. “I’m not gonna force you to do anything. But... well, I think if you don’t plan on confessing, you shouldn’t lead Jonghyun on. He deserves to move on if you’re not gonna do anything. Don’t give him false hope.”

Kibum pouts. “But I don’t want him to move on.” He all but whines.

Minho pinches him again. “You can’t have both, Kibum.”

Kibum exhales harshly through his nose. “This is so stupid, I’m only sixteen. Why is this a me problem? This should be a you problem.”

Minho lets out a fake gasp of offense. “Oh, yeah. How awful is it that a great guy is pining after you. You truly live a terrible life.”

Kibum hits him roughly with his pillow just as his mom yells for them to come for dinner. Minho snatches the pillow from his hands, throwing it to the floor and racing downstairs.

Kibum is left sitting on his bed for a moment. He lets out a sigh to expel the stress coursing through him, standing and stretching slowly.

_ When did Minho get so wise? _ he thinks as he walks downstairs.

-

From then on out, Kibum is acutely aware of everything Jonghyun, acutely aware of his crush on the older boy, and acutely aware of Jonghyun’s still obvious crush on him.

They’ve grown closer, and Kibum can finally call him a friend without feeling uncomfortable. He’s still the slightest bit uneasy with Jinki, who is quiet and thoughtful and doesn’t seem to have much in common with Kibum. Minho, however, has taken to them both quite well, it’s as if he’s become the glue that keeps them all together. All in all, it’s becoming a rather comfortable friend group. 

They all eat lunch together everyday, Jonghyun walks Kibum to all his classes and drives he and Minho when he can, and Kibum and Minho have warmed up to conversing with Jinki In first period math. It feels startlingly perfect, like puzzle pieces falling into place. The only problem is Kibum's devastatingly large crush on Jonghyun, and Jonghyun still seemingly present crush on Kibum.

Kibum starts to feel like maybe he’s being a little arrogant about it, like maybe he should start thinking Jonghyun  _ doesn’t _ like him. Perhaps he would if it were someone else who liked him, but Kibum is not stupid and Jonghyun is not subtle. Kibum can see how much Jonghyun likes him in his eyes alone, in the fond twist of the older boys lips, in his habits and movements, in his acts and words.

He feels like maybe he’s being a dick, knowing how much Jonghyun likes him but doing nothing about it. Is that being a dick? It’s quite close to leading someone on, he thinks. But Kibum does like him  _ back _ ... is he leading Jonghyun on? He’s not sure. He doesn’t think so, but Minho disagrees. Heavily disagrees, in fact.

Everyday Minho seems to figure out a way to remind Kibum to  _ get a move on _ and  _ confess _ . Either vocally reminding him out loud whenever they get a moment alone, or making very obvious and knowing glances. Kibum finds himself wanting to hit Minho more than he ever has in his life.

Because he  _ doesn’t want to _ . He doesn’t want to confess, has been pretty clear and forward about that. He doesn’t care how many times Minho tells him he’s being stupid and that his fears are unfounded. Maybe he is, maybe they are, but he doesn’t  _ care _ . He just wants to shove this all under the rug, close his eyes, and pretend it isn’t happening. He just wants to get through high school unseen, just another passing student no one pays attention to. He’s happy to leave it at that... or maybe he isn’t. He’s still kind of conflicted beneath it all, really.

-

It all comes to an impasse some few weeks later.

They’re at their lunchroom table, all seated with the exception of Jonghyun. He’s been the last one to lunch consistently everyday and it makes Kibum feel funny because he can  _ see _ the pink, decorated envelopes Jonghyun holds tight in his hand everyday. He’s not slick, no matter how quick he hides them and throws them away. Kibum knows Jonghyun is just embarrassed of them, doesn’t want them poking fun at him but it just makes Kibum  _ upset _ .

Today, Jonghyun is about 30 minutes late to lunch and Kibum can’t help the nervousness crawling over his gut. He tries not to pay attention to it, engages in jokes and conversation with Minho and Jinki, but it’s all he can truly think about. Which girl is confessing her love to him now? Which pretty girl is being better for him? Because they are, Kibum knows each girl that confesses to Jonghyun is better for the older boy than Kibum is. Kibum is just some stupid sophomore boy who is ugly and unlikeable and is an honest to god fool for thinking anything could come of him and Jonghyun.

He’s stopped responding to the other two, lost in thoughts and staring blankly at the table without blinking.

“Kibum!” Minho pinches Kibum's shoulder, a frown on his face.

“Huh?” Kibum blinks a few times.

They’re both looking at him worriedly, Jinki with soft sympathy and Minho with brazen curiosity. It makes him shrink back into himself, embarrassed and unwilling to talk.

“Are you okay?” Minho asks.

Kibum straightens himself up some, clearing his throat and nodding. “Yeah, yeah. I’m fine.”

They trade glances before Jinki smiles. “Jonghyun should be here soon, Kibum.” He says knowingly.

Kibum frowns, he refuses his feelings and obvious want for the older boy to be known. It upsets his pride. “I mean, cool. I guess.”

It sounds insecure and small, not bold and uncaring. This is so stupid, he’s so embarrassed. He focuses on his lunch, unwilling to make eye contact with the other two.

As it turns out, Jinki is right. Jonghyun comes barreling in nearly two minutes later, apologies on his lips and sitting down hurriedly.

“Sorry, um. Yeah, sorry. I got held up with something.” Jonghyun starts, shoving things into his bag.

Kibum, however, is looking at him analytically, not listening to the words spilling from Jonghyun's lips.

He’s watching Jonghyun's movements with a calculative gaze before it zeroes in on the quick flashes of different shades of pink in Jonghyun's hands. He counts three letters before they are shoved unceremoniously into Jonghyun's backpack.

It makes his heart stutter in a painful way. Three separate girls in the span of thirty minutes. How is he meant to compete with that attention? He can’t. He really can’t. He’s a fool to think he could.

Suddenly it all becomes  _ too much _ . His feelings, Jonghyun’s feelings, the expectancy that weighs too heavy on his shoulders, Jonghyun’s popularity, how adored he is by everyone and how Kibum can’t even begin to measure up to that. It’s all too much.

“I’m going to go to the bathroom.” He interrupts, standing up and grabbing his bag. He doesn’t intend to return, they probably know that.

He turns on his heel and as soon as he’s out, sprints to the bathroom. He goes to the one he knows is used the least, not wanting anyone to see him or ask questions. He slips in as quietly as he can, beelining to the large stall at the back.

The bathroom itself is rather dirty, grimey and crusted over in several areas due to lack of upkeep. It stinks of weed and various vape flavors, the lights barely functioning and graffiti on the walls. It’s odd how forgotten the bathroom is but Kibum isn’t complaining and most likely neither are the nicotine addled students.

He doesn’t bother to lock the stall door, letting it bounce shut harmlessly when he enters. Though the ground is disgusting, he doesn’t have the strength or will to stand. His thoughts are too loud, so he sinks down to the floor, dropping his bag to the ground, and knees coming up to allow his head a resting spot.

He’s not sure if he can welcome the careful blankness that overcomes his head, then. He’s thinking but he’s not. It’s as if his own brain recognizes his need for a break from the racing thoughts of  _ Jonghyun, Jonghyun, oh my god I like Jonghyun, Jonghyun, Jonghyun _ .

He’s letting out steady breathes into his knees, searching desperately for something to focus on, to stay anchored to, when he hears soft and tentative footsteps. His head whips up and tension crawls in his gut. He thinks maybe it’s Minho, must be Minho because only Minho knows he comes here on the occasion he just needs a break from it all. It must be Minho because Minho would never let him storm off like that and not go after him.

“Kibum-ah?” The person's voice calls suddenly and Kibum frowns with a start. 

Why the hell is Jinki here?

Kibum does not deign a response necessary, choosing to stay quiet. In truth, he doesn’t know how to respond. He does not know Jinki that well, has never had a one on one conversation with him since that first fateful day, what is he supposed to do? He’s embarrassed of how he stormed off, embarrassed that Jinki sought after him, embarrassed of how teenage angst has become his life so quickly. Just plain embarrassed of it all.

The footsteps continue until they stop at Kibum’s stall door, hesitating. Only for a moment however as suddenly the door is slowly being pulled open. Jinki peeks in curiously, eyes wide and brows furrowed. Kibum mirrors his wide eyes, but stays otherwise frozen and unmoving.

“Hi, Kibum.” Jinki smiles gently, slipping in and closing the door behind him silently.

Kibum doesn’t answer, looking resolutely away to the dirty wall. He hears Jinki shuffle and approach more, until he is standing across from Kibum, forcing Kibum to look at him. Jinki heaves out a tired sigh and slides down to mimic Kibum’s own sitting position.

They sit in silence. It’s kind of uncomfortable, nervousness and stress still making its way through his stomach combined with Jinki analyzing him consideringly.

“You like him, right?”

Kibum startles, making sudden eye contact with the senior. A warm blush settles on his cheeks and he tries to will it away. It’s awkward enough he’s turned into a blushing schoolgirl, he really doesn’t need  _ everyone _ seeing him like this.

“Who?” He does what he does best in these situations, play dumb.

Jinki shifts around a bit. “Jonghyun-ah. You like Jonghyun, right?”

Kibum lets out a deep and heavy sigh, knocking his head against the stall wall. There’s no point in pretending anymore, he doesn’t have the energy.

“Yeah.” Kibum looks at him again. “Karma, isn’t it?”

Jinki laughs a bit. “Is liking him bad?”

Kibum thinks. Yes, he is just one admirer out of many. No, Jonghyun is so wonderful and a privilege to talk to. Yes, he is overwhelmed by his feelings for the older boy. No, it is a slow and warm and comfortable feeling. He hangs his head.

“No.” Is all he can mumble, Jinki humming in response.

They lapse into silence again and it’s less awkward and stilted, but Kibum is still too uncomfortable to speak, looking at the ground and tracing the square tiles.

“I don’t know how much this means to you. But... I get the impression you're scared of you liking him- because of how many people like him, am I right?” Jinki asks, still looking squarely at Kibum.

Kibum’s head and gaze snap back to Jinki. He narrows his eyes, for as quiet and awkward Jinki seems to be, he’s quite perceptive. Jinki just smiles even softer.

Kibum breathes the stubborn pride keeping him from answering or talking out his nose. “Yeah.” He sounds abrasive and he quickly looks away awkwardly before back to Jinki, who still just  _ smiles _ .

Jinki hums. “You know how much he hates being the center of attention, right?”

“I know that.” Kibum sighs out. “But... it’s not just that... I don’t want to be the center of attention like that, like I’m just some piece of meat hanging off his shoulder for everyone to admire or be jealous of. I'm more than that.”

Jinki frowns in sympathy. “Of course you are.” He looks away for a moment, considering. “I just want to ask, do you really think that’ll matter?”

“Being the center of unwanted attention? A little bit.” Kibum ends with a huff of a bitter laugh at the end.

Jinki smiles. “I phrased that wrong. I just meant...” he pauses as if seeking the right words. “Jonghyun really likes you, and he thinks you’re worth it. What’s stopping you from feeling the same? I mean, we won’t know or care about these people in even five years from now, why let their opinions stop you from being happy?”

It’s annoyingly true, so annoyingly true that he’s even more than aggravated. Why is he letting those strangers hold him back? Why is he caring so much? 

“I don’t know.” He frowns. Jinki just hums again.

It’s a bit of an epiphany, then. Kibum likes Jonghyun, really likes Jonghyun. Jonghyun really likes Kibum, why should anything be stopping them from being together now? Kibum values his own happiness and contentment far above strangers around him most of the time, so what’s stopping him now? Nothing.

Jonghyun is wonderful, he is sweet and kind and makes Kibum laugh, he is good and fair to him, is a sensitive and intellectual person, is talented and, well, extremely attractive. Kibum would be missing out in so many ways if he passed this by.

He frowns further before his expression loosens. He looks at Jinki, who’s smiles kindly at him once more. He thinks for a moment and, then, he knows what must be done.

He has to confess because, as nice as it would be for Jonghyun to confess again and all Kibum had to do was accept, Jonghyun knew nothing of Kibum’s developed feelings and most likely assumed Kibum still wanted to keep it platonic. And so, he  _ has _ to confess, if he wants any chance of a happy togetherness with Jonghyun.

“Okay.” Kibum whispers, nodding. Jinki tilts his head in question. “Thank you, hyung.”

Jinki grins at him, pleased. “I take it this means you’re going to confess.”

A wry smile tugs Kibum’s lips up. “Looks like it.”

There’s that same silence, but this time it is more comfortable and Kibum feels like he is himself again. He feels steady, sure of himself, feels like Kibum.

Kibum opens his mouth as if to say something and Jinki gives him that same attentiveness. Kibum closes it and frowns for a moment before speaking. “Why did you come to get me? Not that I mind or, or something... just... you know.” He shrugs

Jinki smiles. “I thought you could use my advice, I don’t think Minho quite knows Jonghyun like I do.”

Kibum lets out a laugh and soon he’s just laughing at the situation, unable to conceal them. Jinki joins in slowly until they’re both just cracking up in the dirty, forgotten boys bathroom stall. It’s so ridiculous.

When they finally get a breath to collect themselves, finally get a moment to  _ breathe _ , Kibum looks at him. 

“Do you think you could help me?” He asks softly.

“Confess?”

Kibum nods. “Yeah.”

Jinki stretches his legs out with a sigh. “Okay. Better not entail anything crazy, though.”

Kibum rolls his eyes but a pleased smile is in the corners of his lips. “Unless you include getting Jonghyun’s locker combination for me crazy.”

Jinki laughs. “This again? Yeah, no problem.”

Kibum squints. “Do you know his combination?”

“Does Minho know your combination?”

Kibum quirks a brow, cocking his head. “Yeah? Wait.” He narrows his eyes at Jinki, who just laughs again.

“I got your combination from Minho to give to Jonghyun, yes.” Jinki explains.

“What?!” Kibum bursts out, making Jinki blink in surprise. “Ugh, of course. Little slimy bastard, perfect little actor.”

“I’m sorry?” Jinki cuts in, his own brows furrowed.

“No,” Kibum sighs. “Don’t apologize, gives me an excuse to beat his ass.”

He sees Jinki shrug out of the corner of his peripheral vision. 

“I suppose we better head back.” Kibum comments, stretching his own legs out.

Jinki hums. “The bells about to ring.”

Kibum sighs. “Walk me to my next class?”

“Stealing Jonghyun’s job, am I?” Jinki looks at him, amused.

Kibum shrugs. “He stole Minho's job. Besides, just think of yourself as a substitute.”

It makes Jinki laugh again. Kibum smiles, he likes Jinki, thinks he can be good friends with Jinki. He’s grateful for the older boys kindness.

Finally, things are starting to look up.

-

He’s able to resolutely avoid Jonghyun the rest of the day, all down to him driving Minho and he home.

He feels like he’s about to sweat out of his skin as they walk home, he’s terrified of Jonghyun driving past and interrogating him on why he’s being avoided. Truthfully, Kibum just knows that he can’t look at Jonghyun until he confesses, knows he will lose all confidence and his ability to do  _ anything _ if he so much as looked at Jonghyun. And he is too far in now to give up.

Unfortunately, this is a decision that makes him have to deal with Minho whining the whole way back.

“Why can’t we just get Jonghyun to drive us home?”

Kibum clenches his jaw. “I’ll tell you when I get home, Minho.” His enunciation on Minho just the slightest bit cutting. “It’s like a 10 minute walk, why are you so dramatic?”

“I’ve gotten too used to the life of luxury, and now I don’t know anything else.” Minho laments dramatically, voice a wistful sigh.

Kibum would kick him in the ankle if he didn’t know it would send him down tumbling. Or maybe that’s what he wants. Minho catches him eyeing his ankle and sends his own swift kick before Kibum can, causing Kibum to stumble forward.

“Why?!” Kibum hisses out when he regains his balance.

“You were going to kick me!” Minho accuses.

“I didn’t!”

“You were  _ going _ to!”

Kibum clicks his tongue against his teeth. “What does that really matter?”

“What matters is why you’re avoiding Jonghyun-hyung.” Minho finally states.

Kibum looks at him. “I’m not avoiding him.”

Minho barks out a laugh. “Yeah, and I’m a fairy. He’s really worried about you, you just up and left at lunch and now you won’t tell me anything! You know Jonghyun hyung walked me to all my classes? How weird is that?!”

Kibum feels a little pang of jealousy before remembering he really doesn’t care that much and he knows what he’s doing, nothing else matters. “That’s pretty weird, Minho.”

“Ugh, you’re so annoying.” Minho mumbles.

They walk in tandem up Kibum’s walkway and into his house. Kibum’s mom, peeking her head around the kitchen doorway. She’s on the phone but her face lights up at the sight of Minho, waving to him enthusiastically, Minho waving back just as excitedly. Kibum hits his arm and begins going up the stairs.

“Are you finally gonna tell me what’s going on?” Minho asks, unimpressed and folding his arms when the door to Kibum’s room closes.

Kibum ignores him, taking not so subtle peeks out his window. He feels a pillow hit the back of his head and he turns around sharply to glare at Minho.

“I promise you Jonghyun is not creeping around outside.” Minho says knowingly, flopping onto Kibum’s bed.

“Ugh.” Kibum sighs. He sinks into his desk chair. “Okay. I’ve come to a conclusion.”

“And that conclusion is?”

“Don’t interrupt me.” Kibum pouts and Minho sticks his tongue out childishly.

“I’ve come to the conclusion,” Kibum loudly continues. “That I’m going to confess to Jonghyun.”

Minho immediately perks up, shifting into a sitting position to stare at Kibum. “You’re being serious?”

Kibum glares at him but a small blush overcomes him nonetheless. “Yes, shut up. Please don’t tease me.”

Minho holds his hands up, nodding his head innocently. “Of course, Kibum. I would never.”

“Sure, Minho. Sure.” Kibum sighs. “I’m doing to confess to Jonghyun and I need your help.”

Minho looks at him, searching his face. “Of course.”

Kibum lets out a breath of relief he didn’t know he had been holding. “Okay. Okay, thank you.”

Minho smiles at him, kind and giving. “No need to thank me, just tell me what the plan is.”

Kibum nods, smiling. Things are really looking up, this will be okay.

-

This will not be okay.

Kibum is grateful it’s a Friday, for if this confession goes awry he can pretend it never happened for a whole weekend. How lucky.

He had texted Jonghyun late last night that he was sick and wouldn’t be at school the next day, he hoped it was a convincing lie. A part of him relished in Jonghyun’s worried fretting, wishing him well and telling him he’ll miss him, the other was just scared shitless. He told Jonghyun he would be absent so that Jonghyun would go back to going to his locker alone, which is just what Kibum needed.

The plan was to reenact Jonghyun’s confession. And, with the help of Minho planting the flowers, the note, and the chocolates, and Jinki singing Jonghyun Kibum’s favorite song, it should all go very well.

But Kibum worries, anyways.

He doesn’t think he’s ever worried so much about one thing, thinks that all this worrying is gonna make him go prematurely bald. He’s stressed as he wakes up, stressed as he gets dressed, stressed as he slowly walks to school, Minho cheering him on, stressed as he enters the school.

Because  _ holy shit _ . This is happening. He’s doing it. It’s too late to back out now, knows Minho has already replaced the roses in Jonghyun's locker. It’s not nearly as many roses as Jonghyun had given him, and they’re red instead of white. Kibum hopes it’s enough, hope Jonghyun likes them.

“Do you want me to go with you?” Minho asks.

He’s asking if Kibum wants him to go to the hallway where Jonghyun's locker is, if he wants him to go with him to the beginning of the shitshow. No, Kibum decidedly does not. He thinks it will be much more pressure with someone by his side.

“No,” Kibum breathes out. “No, it’s okay.”

“You sure?”

Kibum manages a smile, if only to soothe Minho of his own worry for him. “Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

“Okay.” Minho smiles back, clapping Kibum's shoulder once. “Good luck, Kibum.”

Kibum waves goodbye meekly as Minho turns his back to begin the walk to his own locker.

When the boy is out of sight, Kibum breathes a steady breath out his nose to his calm his nerves. He needs to get to Jonghyun's hallway quickly, he’s unsure of when Jonghyun comes to school on his own and does not want to miss it. He needs to see Jonghyun's reactions, honestly owes it to himself.

He feels like he’s definitely going to vomit when he arrives to the older boys hallway. He finds a place where he’s not in the way of students and where he can get a clear view of Jonghyun's locker without the older boy seeing him.

He steels himself, breathes out through his nose, and waits.

He doesn’t have to wait long, as he catches the familiar gait and presence of one Jonghyun walking to his locker. Kibum's heart stutters then because Jonghyun is just so  _ cute _ . He knows Jonghyun is shorter than him, knows he’s on the short end for their age, but he hasn’t really  _ noticed _ it. Hasn’t noticed how cute it is, how endeared he is by the way the older boys broad shoulders taper into impossibly slim legs. He’s truly quite petite and it’s adorable.

Kibum is so caught up in his fondness that he almost misses Jonghyun putting in his locker combination, getting ready to open it. Kibum straightens up in anticipation, unable to will away that familiar anxiety seeping back into his very being.

When Jonghyun finally gets his locker open, the roses all tumble out. It’s exactly like when Kibum opened his own locker, and he smiles when Jonghyun jumps back in surprise. Kibum finds himself retreating into his hiding spot, knowing that Jonghyun will immediately begin to scan the hallway for the culprit.

Kibum looks back a minute later, only to find Jonghyun quickly and swiftly picking up every rose and shoving them in his locker. He’s bright red and obviously embarrassed, casting shifty looks to everyone around him. Kibum absolutely relishes in it.

It’s with a smile that Kibum turns to walk the length to his own locker, extremely pleased and soothed. He doesn’t think Jonghyun understands the goal or who gave him the roses, must think it’s some silly girl confessing again. But he doesn’t care, he really doesn’t.

-

Jinki and Minho are on him as soon as he enters math class.

“How’d it go? What happened?” Are the first words out of Minho’s mouth right when Kibum sits down.

“ _ Nothing _ happened.” Kibum replies smoothly. He knows there must be a slight flush on his cheeks, can feel it’s subtle warmth.

“Were the roses there?” Jinki interjects.

Minho lightly slaps the older boys shoulder. “Of course they were there! I put them there.”

“Yes, they were there. He got them.” Kibum sighs out, leaning back into his desk.

Jinki and Minho smile and nod in assent.

“Okay!” Minho starts. “Stage 2 is a go, then.”

It’s said so absolutely nerdy that Kibum cringes. “Stop being dramatic. It’s not that big of a deal.”

“I disagree.”

“That’s a you problem.” Kibum replies derisively.

Minho ignores him, clapping his hands together too loudly. “Stage 2 is a go!”

Jinki laughs when Kibum sinks lower in his desk with an eye roll.

-

Unfortunately, Kibum doesn’t have time to be there for when “Stage 2” is set to happen. He has to hurry to his class on the other side of the school and is unable to witness Jonghyun's reaction when he opens his locker to chocolates and a note.

Or maybe it’s fortunate. Maybe that’s good, maybe that settles his stomach. It gives him a break from the anxiety, gives him time to focus on something other than the dreaded confession, and he doesn’t know how he would be able to watch Jonghyun get the chocolates and note. Because at that point he would most definitely recognize the parallels and know it’s Kibum. There’s no possible way he wouldn’t.

He spends the entire period thinking about Jonghyun. Just Jonghyun. Anything from his impending confession to how absolutely incredible Jonghyun is. It kind of sucks that he can’t stop thinking about the older boy because his stupid, crabby science teacher  _ notices _ and calls on him more than he usually did.

By the time lunch rolls around, he’s almost forgotten about “Stage 3” of the Jonghyun confession, so burnt out from answering too many bio questions. Almost. He probably would’ve barged right into the lunchroom and sat down beside Jonghyun if not for a familiar hand pulling him back to stand beside the entrance.

Kibum looks wide eyed at Minho, who looks just as wide eyed back at him, and it all comes flooding back. He heaves out a deep breath and slumps against the wall, students breezing past them into the cafeteria before the bell rings.

“Please don’t tell me that’s Jonghyun in there.” Kibum's starts. He feels sick with anxiety, everything is getting more and more real as the end of the day inches closer.

Minho peeks around, popping his head into the lunchroom doorway. He’s lucky Jonghyun sits with his back facing the entrance.

“Yep,” He looks back at Kibum. “That’s Jonghyun.”

“Why? What is he doing here?!” Kibum can feel the beginning of hysterics grip at him.

Minho looks to the side before back at him. “It’s lunch?”

Kibum purses his lips and narrows his eyes. This is just not the time for being a smart ass. “I know that. I  _ meant _ , why is he so early? He’s usually a little bit late!”

Minho frowns at him, letting Kibum pace back and forth for a few moments before grabbing both of Kibum's shoulders and holding him steady to make eye contact.

“Stop it. You’re not even the one singing, Jinki-hyung is. And besides, it's better to get it over with now, right?”

It’s a clear pep talk but it decidedly does not help, Kibum still feels like crumpling to the floor and dying. He nods and takes a few soothing breaths anyways, if only to appease Minho.

“Hey, guys!” Jinki is approaching them, then, footsteps light and smile inviting.

Kibum hushes him on impulse. “I don’t want Jonghyun to hear you.” He explains when Jinki looks the slightest bit affronted.

“Jonghyun-hyung can’t hear us, Kibum.” Minho says. Kibum really doesn’t appreciate his tone.

“You don’t know that!” Kibum glares at him, reaching to pinch his arm.

“Okay!” Jinki interrupts. “Are we ready?”

The question is more directed at Kibum than anyone else, but he appreciates it regardless. He’s not ready, doesn’t think he ever truly  _ will _ be ready. But he knows what he wants and he knows that the only way to get what he wants is to face the music and get it over with.

So, he exhales once more out his nose, and nods firmly. “If you are.”

His anxiety trumps his fretful nature in these situations, which is odd as he would think it would make him more fretful. But, he really just couldn’t be more pleased to let Jinki go out there and sing for Jonghyun, completely unsure if Jinki knew what was going on and if they were still on the same page.

They watch Jinki stride up to greet Jonghyun, all wide smiles and laughs, before anxiety ruthlessly attacks him yet again. He feels sick.

“I don’t think I can watch.” He mumbles, ducking his head down from the tinted windows and sliding down to a sitting position against the wall.

Minho looks at him on the ground, shrugging. “Suit yourself.”

It’s silent for a few moments, Kibum sitting as still as a statue, staring at the wall. Minho watching what’s happening through the tinted lunchroom window. The anxiety is painful, burning at his heart and twisting his stomach around. They sit in silence before suddenly a clear voice breaks through and above the noise of the cafeteria. It’s no doubt Jinki, his singing so strong and gentle. Kibum sinks even lower to the ground, covering his ears with his hands. He doesn’t want to hear this, doesn’t want to be here, it all upsets his chest and stomach so much.

He spaces out for the time being, thoughts controlling him. He’s completely absorbed in his thoughts that he doesn’t realize Jinkis voice has stopped and that he’s crouching down in front of him.

“Kibum?” Jinki shoves at him lightly. He smiles when Kibum seems to realize he’s there again. “Are you okay?”

Kibum blinks a few times, looking at Jinki and then to Minho. “Yeah, yeah. I’m fine.”

Jinki stands up in one go, leaning to offer Kibum a hand.

“How’d it go?” Minho asks as Kibum takes the older boys hands and stands up.

“It was good.” Jinki look at Kibum with a knowing smile teasing his lips. “You have nothing to worry about.”

Kibum shifts. “Does he know it’s me?”

Jinki smiles a little and pauses. “Yeah... I think so. He’s really happy.”

Hearing that makes Kibum's heart thump. He can’t help the small smile that overcomes his own lips. He looks at the ground and shifts some more, blushing.

“Okay!” Minho interrupts, clapping his hands together so familiarly. “Stage 4 is a go.”

Kibum leans on him, violently shushing him. “You’re so loud.”

“No one cares, Kibum!” Minho throws an arm around his shoulder. “Now come on.”

When he sees they’re getting ready to enter the cafeteria, Kibum startles. “You guys are absolutely insane if you think I’m going in there, especially since he knows what I’m doing now.”

Minho and Jinki exchange glances, letting themselves be pulled back to just at the lunchroom entrance.

“I’m gonna go in and sit with him, you don’t have to join me, Kibum.” Jinki smiles once more in a comforting way, patting him on the shoulder before walking back into the cafeteria and beelining to their table.

“Come on, let’s go walk around.” Minho leads him away with the arm around his shoulder.

Kibum shudders out a noise of agreement. He’s thankful for Minho staying with him, for helping soothe his nerves. They walk around in mutual silence and Kibum can only will those pesky thoughts away.

-

It’s the end of the day and Kibum absolutely does not know what he’s gonna do.

He doesn’t feel like anything he’s doing is him, separated from his body and watching someone else take books out of his locker and put into his bag.

“Hey, are you ready?” Someone grabs his shoulder. It’s Minho, Kibum doesn’t even have to turn around to know.

“I don’t know.” He answers, his voice more of a mumble.

He hears Minho lean against the locker besides him and feels his eyes on him. Kibum feels nauseous. This is happening, it’s too late to back out now.

“Are you okay?” Minho asks, voice soft and prodding.

And that’s it, Kibum feels the dam break. He drops the book in his hand and crouches to his feet, hiding his head in his arms. He feels Minho crouch down with him, an arm coming around his shoulders and pulling him in just so.

“Minho, I can’t do this.” He mumbles into his arms.

“Well, you’re gonna have to.” His voice is comforting but the words are not.

“Can’t you do it for me?” Kibum looks at him, whining softly.

Minho cracks a smile, shaking his head. “You can do this. Jonghyun likes you. You like him. You will be okay, you have nothing to fear.”

“I’m gonna vomit.” Kibum says, his voice sounding every bit as sick and dreadful as he feels.

When he looks back at Minho, he’s looking at his phone screen. Minho tucks his phone away when he catches Kibum looking.

“Come on.” Minho starts to pull Kibum to his feet.

“No.” Kibum shoves him off. “I’m not going.”

Minho lets out a noise of exasperation. “Kibum, it’s really too late now. You have to do it, you can’t do that to Jonghyun-hyung.”

He’s right and realistically, Kibum isn’t going to do that to Jonghyun. But he just wants to stay here and wallow in his fear and sadness, he doesn’t want to do this. He’s so terrified.

“Can you do it for me?” Kibum asks urgently.

Minho simply looks at him, so deadpan that Kibum starts to feel uncomfortable. They’re like that for a few seconds before Minho is wordlessly pulling them up to their feet, an arm still around Kibum's shoulder. Probably more to prevent him from running away than anything else.

“Come on, Kibum. Jinki went to go get Jonghyun, you have to go now.” Minho says, tugging Kibum along through the halls and to the courtyard.

When they’re at the door to the outside courtyard, Minho stops and pulls out his phone. He’s tapping for a few seconds before opening the door and very suddenly, very roughly pushing Kibum out.

“Jonghyun-hyung is on his way. Good luck, Kibum. You can do this, there’s nothing to be afraid of.” Minho says all in one breath.

There’s absolutely everything to be afraid of, though, Minho is very wrong.

He exhales out his nose slowly. Standing alone outside in the open like this, he feels naked. He feels naked and scared and nervous and truly, he doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing. He’s so nervous but this is it. He’s doing this. This is happening.

Kibum kind of hates how cliche the entire situation is because of course the tables are turned and now  _ he’s _ the one nervously pacing around the school courtyard after school, waiting for Jonghyun’s arrival.

He’s tugging at his own hair, a nervous habit he was sure he didn’t have before, walking back and forth and running the words he plans to say through his head. He will be honest and to the point, regretful for his prior rejection but hopeful for the future, it will be good and it will be great and it will be  _ okay _ . It’s fine, he’s fine, it’s fine.

He’s exhaling slow and measured breathes out his nose to calm his nerves when he hears the door push open and slam shut. He almost doesn’t want to turn around. But the quiet footsteps get closer and closer and he knows he has to turn around, knows it’s time to turn around. He wonders if maybe he should just confess with his back facing Jonghyun.

“Hi, Kibum-ah.” Jonghyun greets, his voice sounds so soft and tender. He sounds like he’s coercing a scared animal, which is exactly what Kibum is.

There is such raw anxiety in his stomach when he finally turns around. And when he does, he’s frozen. He feels the same awestruck shock he did when he first saw Jonghyun, when he first looked him in the eye. For Jonghyun is so beautiful, so perfect, so gentle and kind and wonderful. He’s looking at Kibum with his lips tilted up sweetly, and expectant and knowing glint in his eyes.

“You don’t happen to be the one leaving me gifts in my locker, would you?” Jonghyun asks coyly.

Kibum feels all sense and all words he had planned go out the window in one breath. He has no idea what to say, what he was gonna say, has no idea how to do anything but stand and stare at Jonghyun. It’s annoying. And, as always, when he doesn’t know what to say, his brain decides the words for him.

“Someone leaving gifts in your locker? How odd.” He drawls, surprise at his own coyness.

Jonghyun’s smile widens to something so attractive. “Yeah, odd. A note, too. Something about how great I am.”

Kibum folds his arms nervously. “Psh, you? Great?”

Jonghyun takes a daring step forward, confidence in his form that Kibum hadn’t ever known before. He wonders if maybe he could’ve had this boldness long ago if he said yes.

Kibum eyes him, gaze flicking over his body before back to Jonghyun’s face. His smile has become a sly smirk and he looks so extremely pleased, Kibum wants to hit him.

“You have something to say to me, Kibum?” Jonghyun asks.

“You look stupid.”

Kibum’s eyes widen in shock, though it is not out of the ordinary for him to say, this is exactly the wrong moment for it. He’s grateful when Jonghyun just laughs.

“Come on, please?” Jonghyun asks, unleashing the  _ eyes _ . When his eyes get so wide and soft and sweet and Kibum  _ can’t. _

He shakes his hands as if that will release his nerves and shudders. “Um.” God, what is wrong with him? 

There’s a bit of his own selfish pride holding him back and choking back the words he wants to say, it’s so embarrassing, he’s so embarrassing. Jonghyun has forgone the sly smirk, his face blank save for his hopeful eyes. How is Kibum supposed to say no to that?

“I...” Kibum sighs harshly, this is ridiculous. He needs to get this out of his system, he’s so tired of it all, of the pining, of the hoping, of the devastating crush on someone who would be so unreachable if not for how much he knows that someone likes him back.

“Okay. Yes, I like you a lot. Like, a lot. And it’s so stupid. This is so stupid, and all your fault. Why couldn’t have just let me be? This is all your fault! Now I have to deal with all these stupid, mushy feelings and how attractive you are? It’s so upsetting! And you have me... fucking... giving you chocolates and songs and flowers! That’s so, oh my god. This is so stupid.” He hides his face in his hands, he can’t look at Jonghyun anymore. “Do you want to go out?” He finally, feebly mumbles into his hands.

It’s silent for a moment. Kibum feels the cool wind pass through them, goosebumps rise on his skin. He wonders if Jonghyun is still here, or just purposely delaying his answer to spite Kibum.

Suddenly, he feels very warm and strong arms come around him. He melts into it immediately, eyes widening as he feels Jonghyun nuzzle his face into his neck. What the fuck.

“What are you doing?” Kibum asks, worming his hands away from his face and keeping them limp by his sides.

“Hugging you.” Jonghyun answers simply, voice light and lilting.

“Why?”

Jonghyun squeezes him just the barest hint tighter. “Well, I would kiss you, but I wasn’t sure you would be okay with that. So, I’m hugging you.”

That’s sweet in its own way, Kibum's heart utterly folds. Because, yeah, he probably would freak out if Jonghyun kissed him out of nowhere. 

Despite himself, he can’t find it within him to push Jonghyun away. Instead, his own arms slowly come to embrace Jonghyun back, letting out a huff when Jonghyun pulls him closer.

“You know what my answer is, right?” Jonghyun responds, Kibum can feel his breath against the skin of his shoulder.

“Yeah.” Kibum replies, shyly, breathlessly.

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

They stay like that for god knows how long, long enough that Minho and Jinki are finally bursting through the doors. They must have succumbed to the curiosity.

“Oh, ew.” Minho exclaims.

Kibum’s head whips up and he shoves Jonghyun off him, a blush searing at his cheeks.

“Fuck off.” Jonghyun turns around, slipping a comfortable arm around Kibum’s waist. He frowns at the two of them, Kibum looking resolutely to the ground.

“That’s so nasty, I would’ve much rather walked in on you guys kissing.” Minho continues, he’s obviously just trying to get a rise out of them.

It’s working. Kibum stomps to him, fury and vengeance written into his eyes. Minho yelps and runs before Kibum can get to him, letting his backpack fall to the ground to give himself more speed.

Jonghyun and Jinki watch on, exasperated smiles on their faces as Kibum and Minho chase each other like children.

-

“So, you’re dating?” Minho asks obnoxiously at lunch the next day, eating yogurt as noisily as possible.

Kibum rolls his eyes and he knows Jonghyun must do the same, if the audible scoff he lets out means anything.

“No, this arm around my waist is completely no homo.” Kibum responds sarcastically.

Minho sticks his tongue out at him. “Hey, listen, you never know.”

“Yeah,  _ you _ never know.” Kibum says, unimpressed. Jonghyun laughs a little and gives Kibum’s waist a small squeeze. Kibum rolls his eyes again with a smile.

“Yes,” Jonghyun looks at Kibum meaningfully before back at Minho. “Yes, we’re dating.”

Kibum can’t help the swoop of happiness and blush on his cheeks at that sentence. Things are finally looking up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i apologize again for how long this took me!! i was intending for it to be about 10k words but somewhere through i wasnt liking anything i wrote and realized i wasnt comfortable resolving something like that in such a short time?? regardless it snowballed just a little bit hskdhf PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT, i thrive off comments and thoughts and would like your constructive criticism to grow D: i hope you all enjoyed the entirety of the fic!!!

**Author's Note:**

> hi :D this is not the best ive written but id appreciate some comments? just what you thought and where i could improve :D i have A Lot more fics planned!! ALSO there are two parts to this fic so please look forward to that!!! idk when ill have it posted as im only halfway through writing the second part, but keep an eye out it may be soon :D


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